Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Back in the end of 2003 when we began trying to conceive our first child and grow our family; I found out that getting pregnant was not as easy as I had always believed it would be. You are supposed to marry the man you love, do the deed and babies just happen, right?! Over the next almost 2 years it was nothing like that but a struggle. I kept the journey mainly to myself. Only sharing with a few close friends who I knew had similar struggles but most people did not know we tried for so very long and did fertility treatments. 
We were blessed with our firstborn in July 2006 and she is a true joy!
We began trying again in 2008 and this time we went to a specialist at the ART Fertility Clinic in Birmingham. Love my doctor there and highly recommend if you are looking for support on your journey to motherhood! 
It was here that I learned that infertility is more of a common issue among many women. There are countless reasons why a woman and her husband may have difficulty conceiving. Ours were a combination of a few small things but overall was unknown which made it frustrating to not have a specific problem to treat.
We were blessed on Christmas day 2009 with our second and can't imagine life without him!
We wanted to expand our family again and in August 2012 I began shots on my birthday for the IUI. We became pregnant with this first try and it was crazy thinking that it happened the very first month. 
Sadly, we lost this baby on September 19, 2012. 
This was an indescribable pain and I am so thankful for my hubby who supported me and let me just cry or be mad when I needed to. I found out from this that there were many more woman who had also suffered the loss of their baby or infant and I had no idea that there are so many angels in Heaven waiting to be held by their mommy's and daddy's. Thankful for these women and all my girlfriends who were so very supportive and prayer warriors on our behalf.
At my age, the % of miscarriage is greatly increased but we decided to try again immediately upon the advise of our doctor. We were still hurting but knew God was in control of our family. 
We became pregnant immediately again and were blessed with our fourth (third on earth) little in June 2013!
This same month I had such conflicted feeling as my nephew was born prematurely and lost his fight from his little heart not being developed properly. Even though I had lost my baby I was at a loss as to what to say since the situations were different. I pray that I was able to show love and comfort even though we are not living very close to each other.
After GB was born we felt that our family was complete but God had a surprise for us in that we were pregnant again only a few short months later. Not many know this part but I hope that by sharing this it will encourage others on their journey to becoming parents for the first time or fourth and for those who have lost their angels. 
On September 11, 2013 this angel went to Heaven to be with her brother. Not sure why I feel that we have a daughter and a son as angels. May be my way of coping with the loss. 
Again, I was angry with God, myself (did I do something wrong), all the questions, valid or not, that a woman asks herself; I asked.
I'm a good momma so WHY? 
I believe it is okay to ask God why and even to have that anger as to the unknown. It is part of the grieving process. Sometimes just getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other is all that you can do. Keep trusting in God because He is your strength. The pain and suffering in this world do not come from Him but the evil one. God will pull you through and one day all of our questions will be answered.
I am not sure where I sit on the thought that there is a reason for everything. Although I would not be the woman I am today had I not gone through all of the experiences that I have. I do not believe that God causes these things to happen for something else to happen later on down the road. I believe Satan and man's free will is the cause of evil in this world but we can choose how we react to these situations. We can bring glory to God in any situation whether good or bad.
Music is so powerful in any situation I am in. It has always been a huge part of my life. Here are some songs that have been helpful to me and a constant in my ear as I have gone through these losses.
MercyMe - The Hurt & The Healer courtesy of YouTube
MercyMe - You Are I AM courtesy of YouTube "You're the One who conquers giants You're the One who calls out kings You shut the mouths of lions You tell the dead to breathe You're the one who walks through fire You take the orphans hand You are the One Messiah YOU ARE I AM" The ONE I AM is holding my babies and His spirit lives in me!  Tenth Avenue North - Worn courtesy of YouTube Chris Tomlin - I Will Rise courtesy of YouTube Mandisa - Overcomer courtesy of YouTube
Francesca Battistelli - Strangely Dim courtesy of YouTube Matt Redman - Blessed Be Your Name courtesy of YouTube This one gets me every time! 
Okay, so that was a LOT of songs! They kept coming to my mind. There are so many more that I could add. 
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month set up by President Ronald Reagan in 1988.  Prayers and thoughts go out to all the families who have lost their babies and will not be able to hold them on this earth. 
This is a very sensitive subject for most women so please be kind and gentle if you know of someone going through this loss. Don't take it personally if they do not return your calls, don't want to talk, do want to talk and have you only listen. Let them cry, be angry or whatever they need at that moment. Most of all, pray for their healing and for the peace that can only come from God to envelop them.