Every year the Worshipful Company of Butchers take part in their annual Boar’s Head Ceremony – in which they bring a boar’s head to the newly created Lord Mayor of London.
The ceremony also means that Christmas is on the way.
And in the work-work-work world of The City, one little corner glams itself up for the Festive season more than any other: Bow Lane. Just around the corner, in the famous Watling Street, you’ll find Porterford, a traditional butcher shop.
I'm prepared to wager that had the born-again Ebenezer Scrooge been aware of Porterford, then he would have despatched his boy here for Bob Cratchitt’s Christmas turkey.
The knowledgeable Porterford chaps are old school, very keen to tell you all about their wares, give you cooking tips and suggestions and fill you in on the origins of their goods.
They are also as sharp as their own knives and will never miss even the slightest opportunity to crack a gag. If you go into their shop with the line “I want a bird for Christmas,” be prepared for a veritable gale of satirical banter. Politically correct? Not much. Funny? Good God yes.
This was my favourite:
Customer: I’m here to collect my turkey.
Porterford Butcher: What’s the name?
Customer: Dennis.
Porterford Butcher: No, sorry. We don’t have a turkey called Dennis. We’ve got one called Tracey, will she do?
The annual Christmas pantomime? Forget it. There are more laughs in Watling Street by far. Expert service, too, don’t forget. But it is the welcome you’ll remember, particularly at this time of year. Never let it be said that Londoners don’t know how to keep Christmas in their hearts.
I'll be popping down there to collect my turkey on Christmas Eve. It's almost the last part of my Christmas ritual. And my turkey always gets its own seat on the way home…
Find Porterford here…
My Public Scheduled Tours for December 2019
19th December – Old Kensington – 2pm High Street Kensington Tube
19th December – Jack The Ripper – 7.30pm Tower Hill Tube (by the tram)
20th December – Rock'n'Roll London – 2pm Tottenham Court Road Tube (exit 1)
21st December – London Horror Story – 7.30pm St Paul's Tube
23rd December – A Village In Piccadilly – 2.30pm Piccadilly Circus Tube (by Eros)
26th December – Jack The Ripper – 7.30pm Tower Hill Tube (by the tram)
27th December – Hidden London – 11am Monument Tube (Fish Street Hill Exit)
28th December – London Horror Story – 7.30pm St Paul's Tube
28th December – The Beatles & Bob Dylan In 1960s London – 10am Temple Tube
30th December – A Village In Piccadilly – 2.30pm Piccadilly Circus Tube (by Eros)
My Public Scheduled Tours for January 2020
2nd January 2020 – Inside Covent Garden – 10am Covent Garden Tube
2nd January 2020 – Old Kensington – 2pm High Street Kensington Tube
2nd January 2020 – Jack The Ripper – 7.30pm Tower Hill Tube (by the tram)
3rd January 2020 – Rock'n'Roll London – 2pm Tottenham Court Road Tube (exit 1)
4th January 2020 – The Beatles & Bob Dylan In 1960s London – 10.45am Temple Tube
4th January 2020 – Musical Covent Garden – 2:30pm Temple Tube
4th January 2020 – Rock'n'Roll London Pub Walk – 7:15pm Tottenham Court Road Tube (exit 1)
5th January 2020 – Pink Floyd In 1960s London – 10:30a.m Leicester Sq Tube (exit 1)
5th January 2020 – Women In Music 1722 - 2019 – 2pm Leicester Sq Tube (exit 1)
16th January 2020 – Inside Covent Garden – 10am Covent Garden Tube
16th January 2020 – Old Kensington – 2pm High Street Kensington Tube
16th January 2020 – Jack The Ripper – 7.30pm Tower Hill Tube (by the tram)
17th January 2020 – Beatlemania! The Beatles In London 1961-65 – 10am Embankment tube
17th January 2020 – Rock'n'Roll London – 2pm Tottenham Court Road Tube (exit 1)
18th January 2020 – London Horror Story – 7.30pm St Paul's Tube
30th January 2020 – Old Kensington – 2pm High Street Kensington Tube
30th January 2020 – Jack The Ripper – 7.30pm Tower Hill Tube (by the tram)
31st January 2020 – Beatlemania! The Beatles In London 1961-65 – 10am Embankment tube
31st January 2020 – Rock'n'Roll London – 2pm Tottenham Court Road Tube (exit 1)
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