Expat Magazine

Porky Pies - Lost in Translation

By Expatmum @tonihargis
So I keep a few bits of make-up in my downstairs loo for emergencies. (Come on, I have one of those houses with millions of stairs, - you never know when my BF Obama might knock at the door.) Call me vain but I need some under eye concealer and a slap of lippy before I venture out of a morning. I call it a service to mankind.
Yesterday morning there was a suspicious "hole" poked in the top of the lipstick, which I forgot to murder someone about mention to a certain 8 year old. This morning, the lipstick-shaped concealer was smushed up and the lid was missing.
Ordering him back into the tiny room, I asked him what had happened and waited. Don't 8 year olds know that you can see them mentally making up a story?
8 y/o - "Ah, well. That (pointing to the concealer) was out on the side of the sink, and when I reached for my toothbrush it fell on the floor and the white stuff fell out onto the floor."
Me - (Eyebrow raised and arms folded.) "Really?"
8 y/o - "Yes, mom. Sheesh."
Me - "So while we're on the subject, what happened to my lipstick?" (Reaches for said lipstick and reveals previous crime.)
8 y/o - (Brain audibly scrambling for explanation). "Well, that one was on the floor and I went to pick it up for you; trouble was, I had my toothbrush in my hand and it kind of got stuck in the top of the lipstick and made a hole."
Me - "Do you really expect me to believe that?"
8 y/o opens his mouth, presumably to pile on the fibs, at which point I advise him to quit while he's ahead. Adding -
"I know this is all porky pies, by the way".
8 y/o comes running back to me with an exaggerated questioning look  - "Porcupines?"
Clearly I have been remiss in the British-English education of this child. I hope they don't take his  passport away!

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