Debate Magazine

Petition to Ban Realistic-looking Toy Guns

Posted on the 06 September 2012 by Mikeb302000
Sign the petition to ban realistic toy guns, or as I once poetically put it, ban them sumbitches. Petition to Ban Realistic-looking Toy Guns

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By Cranberry Township-gay
posted on 26 January at 04:44

from the desk of

to mcdonald's and wal-mart in cranberry township:

though I am wary of writing letters of complaint after a vaginal veterinary hospital not far from cranberry township had gotten a lawyer to threaten me with a lawsuit if I complained to anyone else (through speech or online) about the hospital's sexist hiring practices (13 wombn and 0 men), I will assume that there are no vaginas at the head of either company I am writing about...and therefore I will make a legitimate complaint without fearing that some egg-bleeding vagina is going to get some lawyers to harass me like they're some kind of big black mountain and I'm some kind of little green valley.

today, january 23rd, I feel that I may have been poisoned at the mcdonald's inside of the wal-mart in cranberry township, pennsylvania. I ordered a snack-wrap with honey-mustard sauce, and I took two bites of it - each with a sour expression on my face after tasting it. I smelled it and it didn't smell bad, though I only had to take two bites before I wrapped it up and threw it back on my tray. I continued to drink the iced tea that I had bought from wal-mart beforehand, but I stopped eating and I proceeded to look at the set of waterguns I bought at the same time I bought the tea.

i would think that I'd have gone out to my car to drive home after disposing of the snack-wrap, but that may have been when I bought the electric tape. I am not sure if I bought the tape before I got the snack-wrap or after, but once I got out to my car and started cutting the tape into pieces with my teeth...well, that is when I noticed how much the electric tape had the same taste as my snack wrap. that's why I think there was something unfit to eat in my snack wrap.

oh, that sounds odd, doesn't it? I was only cutting the tape with my teeth because I didn't have scissors. you see, I was putting the black electric tape over my orange watergun. it looks like a real weapon now, it's kind of humorous...i can't wait til someone from another public school invites me to be his date at the school's costume party - I'd go as "billy the kid". it's funny, isn't it - I only know of that boy "from wheeling, west virginia" because billy joel did a song about him.

well, I am sure that the terrible taste of the honey-mustard snack-wrap was just a terrible taste. I guess I don't think I was poisoned...i guess I can't be sure, though, but I find it doubtful. I don't feel sick, but that snack-wrap was literally UNBEARABLE to eat. that's why I gave up after bite #2.

i'd settle for anyone from school, but I'd LOVE to go to the costume party with the big strong football-playing hunk of a man named matthew muchnok. in the words of sandy olsen from 'grease,' I'll say "he was so nice to me this summer".

thank you, dylan terreri, i.

sheldon cooper, ii.

"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna.