Four weeks ago, I wrote a blog-post about the correspondence with a young Indian friend. The intense exchange on various topics of spiritual and everyday life went on, and she encouraged me to share about it in the blog: “You send me a lot of amazing information each time and I am starting to think that making our correspondences available on your blog could help other seekers. Please share your view on this. I know we both are overburdened with work at the moment ….” indeed, and so I could not immediately pick up the idea.
But I now grouped the topics of our exchange and will share parts of it now and in some future posts. The illustrations I use are from an excursion to the Lake Neuchâtel and (later) the Creux du Van near Neuchâtel – not related to the content.
As per the blog-post she replied:
“Thanks for making our exchange into a blog post. I see that a lot of youngsters these days are going through such crises and this post could help someone feel normal. I really like the part where you say it is personality integration and not spiritual progress. While I don’t entirely understand what a personality integration means, I have seen a handful of people misunderstanding this state as Vairagya or enlightenment or something else that sounds fancier. It never made sense to me because how can I think I am enlightened when I am unhappy and anxious? Losing interest in worldly things is probably just the beginning.”
My answer: “Personality integration sounds like a technical term but it is maybe the most important thing on the spiritual path, at least until higher initiations. It means orienting / transforming one’s life to be an expression of one’s soul, or better oneSelf, and not of one’s personality, the lower self. Please see here.
It very much has to do with finding a stable orientation in life, arranging one’s rhythms, activities – the everyday life, at home, in study/profession, in social relations…. in a way that the orientation to the soul becomes prime priority without neglecting the other needs. It should be so normal and decent that others might not perceive at all anything of your orientation, except maybe the very close ones. Master CVV calls it as ‘normal temperament’, being normal and not abnormal like most people who follow other things that the inner self, the inner Master.
In a way this means vairagya, orienting away from false values to the values of the soul. It needs no propagating as being spiritual or searching for anything.
Very rightly you wrote: ‘It never made sense to me because how can I think I am enlightened when I am unhappy and anxious? Losing interest in worldly things is probably just the beginning.’
This losing interest has to do, not with losing but with slowly finding the contact with the inner self. Master CVV speaks of giving 200 percent life, inside and outside, enjoying both, not one on the cost of the other, but living in a moderate way.”
Reply: “I understand personality integration better now and yes, this is exactly what I am going through. Being born into a Telugu Brahmin family I grew up with a lot of conditioning and suffered a lot because of the friction between my true self and my upbringing. At the beginning of my crisis my entire “value system”, which made me feel bad about myself fell apart and it was hard to accept who I really am without all these labels.
I started trying to get into a rhythm and like you said there were many challenges coming my way. First two days I managed to stick to my plans. Then I got a flu and was not able to work. There were many irritations and psychological disturbances each time….”
My answer: “Indeed, what you are experiencing is exactly what personality integration means – a lot of friction (this level is also called “fire by friction” in the books of the Tibetan Master & Master KPK’s teachings). You experience the same as I went through, having grown up in a very religious catholic family, where my parents wanted me to become a priest… – but that was not my plan, the plan of my soul. So I revolted against – and went through years of turbulences / intense search. It need not be like this but what you are experiencing is the work of the Master’s energy.
Master CVV was very unorthodox in his way of life and is in his means of training – it comes from inside, so your experiences are fine.
And it’s the best to ‘make friends with the personality’, as Master KPK says – not trying to change anything by pressure but with humour, continuous orientation to the soul and when something did not work, just see what is possible next time.
Yes, flu etc. are also means to ‘keep you cooking’…
