Image by Coffeelatte.
I have long known that night sweats, mood swings and crying jags were signs of menopause. I also knew that 51 was the average age that women experience menopause.But I still was blindsided at age 49.5 when the first dramatic symptoms showed up.
It was the fall of 2011. I was 49 years old, closing in on 50. I had experienced some subtle changes to my cycle for years prior, so I was already describing myself as perimenopausal.
Then the subtlety ended.
Night Sweats. One night that fall, I woke up to discover that my palms were soaking wet. I was still groggy from sleep, so I was wondering if I had somehow dipped my hands in a basin of water. Then I noticed that my scalp was drenched.
From hearing others' talk, I expected to sweat under my arms and on my torso. I expected to feel on fire from head to toe. It took me until the cold light of day to conclude that my wet palms and soaked scalp were my version of "night sweats."
Mood Swings. I am an extrovert and a compulsive talker. I am also a bit dramatic. These traits served me well when I gave college lectures on American and world literature. Over 30 years of teaching, my students' evaluations of me were filled with adjectives such as "energetic, animated, entertaining, engaging."
Less charming is my hypoglycemia, which can include irritability if I go too long without food. Another negative: my longstanding anger management problem. So add dramatic mood swings from hormone changes to the mix, and the result was a firestorm of emotion.
That fall, I was often at the extreme end of the spectrum of emotions: not just happy, but effusive. Not just angry, but livid. Not just sad, but brokenhearted.
Mental Fog. My core identity is bound tightly to the traits of "bright" and "articulate." So when I started having problems concentrating, I really got upset. Multitasking was nearly impossible. Hypoglycemia also affects the ability to concentrate. And people 40 plus start showing signs of cognitive slowing, anyway. Until it started happening to me, I didn't realize that shifting hormones also affect the ability to concentrate.
In addition to all my responsibilities of wife and mother, I was taking two graduate classes and working with the children's program at church. I kept forgetting things or struggling to manage complex mental tasks. I ended up dropping one of my classes and asking to be released from my committee assignment.
My Response. Every woman should work with a medical professional to choose a response that works for her. I am not going to dictate a specific course of action. I am not a medical professional or a menopause expert.
But I do believe in the power of personal narrative, so I will share my approach. In talking with my physician (who incidentally is a woman), I discovered that I could experience these and other symptoms for 3 to 5 years. Yes, some women take vitamins or hormones (and there are various types).
I prefer to alter my diet and to increase my exercise. I found that when I was particularly struck by symptoms, I could manage them if I went to the gym for an hour in the early morning and an hour in the evening. I also increased my intake of whole foods and decreased processed foods.
I was used to being responsible primarily for others from 5 am to 10 pm. However, perimenopause forced me to spend more time on self-care, to set priorities so that I could scale back, and to surround myself with people who offered me comfort and support.
Support women through all stages of hormone changes.
Photo by Velovotee.
Likewise, midlife women struggle with hormone changes, and we have a choice to support them.
Too often people assume that midlife women will take care of everyone else without declaring their own limits and needs. Midlife women are smart, strategic, and strong, but they are still human.
Fortunately, my intense symptoms dissipated after about four months. But I'm not done yet. At 51, I still have a fairly regular cycle. Now I am looking over my shoulder, wondering when these symptoms might hit again. It may be another half decade before I move through the most dramatic part of the change to cessation. Next time, I won't be so disoriented. I hope.
After maiden & mother comes crone.*
After the roller coaster that was Fall of 2011, I am better prepared with a strategy that works for me and better able to offer compassion to other women entering perimenopause for the first time.Thank you to all those who serve as midwives to my adolescence, to my motherhood and to the birth of my emerging wise woman. I look forward to returning the favor by offering compassion to women going through periods of dramatic life change -- hormone fueled or not.
(*Psychologist Carl Jung describes these three stages of a woman's life through these archetypes: maiden, mother, crone.)
There are several midlife bloggers who write about perimenopause and menopause. Here are a few blogs to get you started.
Ellen Dolgen: Menopause Awareness Expert.
Barbara Younger: Friend for the Ride.
Magnolia Miller: The Perimenopause Blog (She has a great blog roll.)
Healthline's List of the 13 Best Menopause Blogs of 2013. (Ellen, Barbara & Magnolia plus 10 more.)
Related:
Tip-of-the-Tongue Syndrome
