No matter how many times I think about it. It is still hard for me to remember that some Vipassana sessions will feel better than others. While I’m intellectually aware of the importance of remaining equanimous, I frequently fall on the trap of feeling unhappy if a certain practice did not feel good, or I get excited I feel that I did “better”. For example when I have the perception of a more concentrated state of mind. I guess it’s all a matter of patience and acceptance about how I feel until I manage to move to a different level. It is just that our reactions, our cravings and our aversions are so intertwined with who we feel we are that I feel like a lot of work to get rid of them. I know it’s all about observing them. But that’s precisely what I consider a very difficult task.
But the harder part I think begins once the meditation session is over. Going through my day and trying to be equanimous sometimes seems impossible and I don’t think I will succeed in achieving anything.
Other times I realize there’s nothing to achieve and I can get myself being trapped on cravings and aversions. Those are the moments in which I feel that I’m progressing. I think that continuing the practice no matter how we feel or what’s happening in our lives is the only way to go. Patience and acceptance should be a key part of our practice.
I wonder if anyone reading this can relate to my thoughts and feelings….
