I’m sitting in my bedroom with most of the lights off. Cafe Del Mar is playing in the background. A tasty bowl of coconut cream chocolate pudding is sitting in my lap, and a glass of kombucha is by my side. I know, such a hippie, right?
I’m pms-ing. Today for some reason, it feels worse than other months. I woke up with that migraine-like brain fog, neck pains, and through the day have experienced shooting pains around my hip girdle that make me feel like I’m a geriatric eighty year old woman. That’s all par for the course. My tendency towards cysts on my ovaries means sometimes the pressure on my abdomen and lower back interferes with my hip flexors and surrounding ligaments. The change in weather this afternoon might have also been a factor.
Earlier today a friend posted this article about something called “central sensitization”. In short, this is the phenomena of the body becoming hyper sensitized to pain. The way the article describes it reminds me a bit of how my friends with Fibromyalgia have described their pain symptoms. If you experience chronic pain, I really recommend you check the article out.
Discussing how to manage and reduce the occurrences of central sensitization, the article states:
“it always makes sense to be kind to your central nervous system. Make your life “safer” and less stressful. Gentler. Easier….This is not an “all in the head” problem, but a “strongly affected by the head” problem….So, for the chronic pain sufferer, cultivating “life balance” and peacefulness is a logical foundation for recovery…”
Which brings me back to my achy body.
I’ve always believed very strongly that our body and our mind are more connected than conventional wisdom likes to think. Our bodies communicate to us. When we are stressed, they ache, or break down. When our diet is lacking something, we crave foods that have it. But as I learn more about the human body, I realize that communication is happening on an even more subtle level.
There’s microcosmic reflections of the ‘bigger picture’ going on for me, right at a cellular level. I get cysts on my ovaries because the hormones in my body don’t always fire off in the right order to trigger the ovulation cycle properly, meaning that sometimes, instead of producing an egg, my ovaries produce a nagging cyst which can either stay and grow, or burst (very painful, I don’t recommend it), or reduce in size naturally. Our hormones are the way our body communicates with itself, and are vitally important for maintaining homeostasis and balance. When my hormones aren’t doing that job properly, I know to read that as a signal that there’s something I’m not talking to myself about. There might be something I’m avoiding or missing.
I don’t know what this is yet. Maybe I just miss the forest and the beach and general peace and quiet and slower pace of my old home. Perhaps the obsession with busy in this city is getting to me. I work many evenings, and then have so many people who want to hang out in the evenings with me, but honestly, I’m often too drained. I want to retreat back into my cave, into my womb-like room and curl up in a ball and meditate with a smile on my face.
Creatively, I’ve been feeling blocked. Many projects started. Many articles in draft form for both this and my professional blog-in-progress. It’s been easier to help my friends with their creative projects lately. Communication in general has been overwhelming for me the last few days, especially online. I’ve had several friends steamroller and dump huge things at me all in one go, without ever thinking to actually ask me how I’m doing and if I want to/have the time to listen to them or respond to them. And that just generates anxiety. Not fun. Even sadder when it comes from people I thought knew me better than that.
A shift is coming in this life balance thing. I can feel it. Like a surfer watching the ocean for signs of that perfect wave, I sense that it’s on its way. It just isn’t here yet. When it is, I am sure I will know what to do. Till then, I’m just resting in doing things that nourish and nurture me. More play, more song, more coconut cream chocolate pudding.
And really, that all comes back to one thing: being able to love my Self.
