Dating Magazine

Oscar and Reeva–the Ultimate Domestic Violence

By Datecoachtoni @CoachToni

Oscar Pistorius, the South African “Blade Runner” was convicted of a lesser charge of murder yesterday. The judge found him to be guilty of an act that is akin to manslaughter—which means he took his girlfriend’s life, but had no plan or intent beforehand to do so. What his sentence will be is anyone’s guess. No one disputes he did it—not even him.

Reeva Steenkamp and Oscar Pistorius had been dating for only three months when he shot her in his home. He has claimed all along he thought she was an intruder—but no one seems to have ever really believed his story. According to an ex-girlfriend of his who was interviewed recently about their relationship—Pistorius was mercurial, unpredictable, got angry over small things and apparently for no “real reason”—and had a passion for guns. Reeva’s broken-hearted mother also said that her daughter had told her they had been fighting a lot and that they were considering breaking up. Remember—this was after only three months of dating.

This short a period of time in a relationship usually puts the couple in the first stage—when they have not even moved into something with more openness and commitment—when they are still “high” on the newness of the relationship, and when conflict is low or nonexistent. Yet, theirs was a relationship marked with tension and fighting—which definitely points to a strong probability that it would be ending soon. It was Valentine’s Day–which is (believe it or not) a day when many couples break up. My own theory about that has always been that it’s mostly because folks are really confronted with what they think they should be feeling or should have in their relationship—and the reality falls so short, they end it. It’s very possible that the fighting overheard by neighbors was about just that—and that Oscar, like other abusive men, decided if he couldn’t have her, no one could. Sounds so simple—but it’s actually very common.

Domestic abuse is on everyone’s mind lately—and Mr. Pistorius was guilty of ultimate abuse. Had he not owned guns, he may have used his fists. His male advantage might have been compromised a bit when he wasn’t wearing his prosthetics—but otherwise, he would most likely have used his fists. A good argument for taking guns away from anyone who has been served a restraining order for domestic abuse, or who has a history of it. They are still dangerous, but without a gun, the woman has a fighting chance. Even if knocked out, she can recover and come back to defend him to the world while taking some of the blame on herself.

But that is for another column.

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