Open Letter to the Dentist and My Dad

Dear Dentist,

You lied. All those years you’ve asked me if I flossed while having both your hands and dental tools shoved in my mouth. When I answered yes, you accused me of not being truthful, turns out you weren’t truthful. I’m so disappointed. 

While reading the news this week, I read that researchers have determined we don’t need to floss. That there aren’t any real studies or research to support whether or not flossing really helps. So we don’t need to floss unless we have popcorn or that extremely tough piece of steak stuck in our teeth.

Mr. Dentist You lied. Were you in cahoots with the dental floss companies to make gazillions? Did you get kickbacks? What else are you lying about? Did I really need those sealants?  And what about your advertisement for “Gentle Dentistry”? Is that even true? I just don’t know who to trust anymore. 

Dear dad. You can now stop using those annoying little mini flossers you love so much and leave laying around the house. Everywhere. 

You can stop using them in the car and stop passing them out like party favors at dinner and restaurants. The sound they make popping between your teeth that makes my hair stand up on my arms can now cease. I’m sure you can find other creative ways to annoy us now. Maybe turn the TV volume up even louder? I love you but please stop. Remember, I’ll be choosing your nursing home. If this keeps up I’ll make sure you and mom will be roommates in that nursing home.

Now that I have all that off my chest, I need to schedule dentist appointments for my kids. Oh and I’m not telling them about the flossing thing. I want them to keep flossing. Just in case.

Toodles!