On the Other Hand, I Can Belch When I Feel Like It

Hello hello hello!Acme Gravel and Grommets Corporate lackey here!I’m so glad you dropped by!
You know, I don’t always come into work on time, but when I do, rest assured it coincides with the days that there is no one else on the floor.People on vacations, people working from home (WFH, or as those in the know say, “whiffing”), people working from, oh, who knows where.It’s the anything-goes 21^st century, where people take conference calls from the beach and people in the office are alone with their computers and overcome with the sound of the heating/cooling system, a gentle whoosh that makes you grab last winter’s shawl and contemplate the under-desk nap you’ve been meaning to take for the last 30 years.
An intern skulks by. Backpacked and pale, she heads toward the elevator bank, beaten down through long hours (here and at school) and a propensity for introversion.Poor thing.She hasn’t built up any work defenses yet. Shall I tell her of “the ropes”?Tell her where the good pens are hidden?Would she possibly be interested in knowing of the offices most likely to produce quality, under-desk naptime?
Far down the hall, the World’s Busiest Assistant is whistling.She’s been in this line of work since certain fish took to land and is remarkably unwilling to learn anything beyond what she already knows.But oh!The pressure!Has she told you of the time she had to order lunch for 20 and THEY FORGOT THE NAPKINS?
She will.  
And on the day she tells me again, I shall smite her.
Note to Self:Must warn intern of making eye contact with the WBA, that to agree to lunch is madness, that she should never leave with her to a third location.
Ah.
So there was a reason for me coming in today, after all.