Diaries Magazine

Oh Look, Here Comes A Douchebag

By Blairbarnes

I have recently turned 24, I’ve gone to university for a couple
years, worked my ass off to get my diploma, and I make more money with
my tips than I would working fulltime as a legal assistant (what i
studied) at the lawfirms in my small town. ITS HORSE-CRAP.

Im still looking for a career job and in the meantime Im still working
at the irish pub ive been at for years. SO, with that said, I ran into
my ex boyfriend that I dated my senior year of highschool and whom
broke my heart.

Here are following snippets of the conversation I had with my ex whom
I will kindly refer to as *DICK NIPPLES

D.N. : “Oh hey… I didn’t know you worked here! Don’t worry,
I’ll give you a nice TIP” *cue the chortling from his

*I look over at his followers* “You hear that? He wants to give YOU
just the tip”

Me-1 Dick Nipples -0


D.N. “What did I do to deserve this behaviour?”

Me: The real question is, what DIDNT you do to deserve this

Me – 2 Dick Nipples – 0

I hoped that Dick Nipples got the message that I was less than
thrilled that he was stuck sitting in my section that happened to be
one of the only available tables at this pub on a busy Saturday night.
Dick nipples tried to diffuse the situation by behaving.

D.N. “ Hmm.. I don’t know what to order? Can you help me?”

Me: “…you are ordering pub food, you’ve been here plenty of
times and you know it all tastes like crap. Pick the thing that tastes
the least like crap. “

D.N. “Can you come back in a few minutes?”

Me: “really? You are ordering from a list of 5 appetizers. You’re
not shopping for car insurance. Just pick

Me-3 D.N. – Still Zero.


Dip shit friend: “daaaaanng mamacita. I like a waitress with

Me: “ did your mama really teach you to treat people in the service
industry like that?”

Dipshit friend: “Don’t drag my momma into this!”



The worst part about all of this, is that Dick Nipples still doesn’t
get that as much as I tried to make him feel unwelcomed, he has taken
it as sexy banter, and instead of shooing away, he seems to “stop by
COINCIDENTALLY every Saturday night I work”

….Some People.


- Lizzie

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