Humor Magazine

Now is the Time for All Crazy Men . . .

By Ben Anderson @Benjaminfa
Now is the time for all crazy men . . .

Source: Australian Broadcasting Corporation

Less than a year ago I wrote the ALP’s only chance of winning the election hinged on an Arthurian comeback by Kim Beazley.

Since then the situation has got much, much worse. It would take Curtin rising from the grave to run on a joint ticket with a mechanically augmented Whitlam to just maintain the seats the ALP currently hold.

To be fair, the government has been dealing with the grief of certain defeat tolerably well.

They’ve been through denial (claiming they can deliver a budget surplus), anger (Gillard’s white hot rage for “misogynist” Tony Abbott) and bargaining (vote for us and we’ll put an Aborigine in Parliament) in the lead up to their current status of depression (voluntarily leaving Kirribilli to stay at a Rooty Hill motel for a week).

All that leaves in the final stage of acceptance. Labor needs to accept the fact they are going to lose. Actually, they should do more than accept it, they should embrace their impending doom.

With absolutely nothing to lose, there has never been a better time for Julia Gillard and company to emulate American hardcore metal band Suicide Silence and “go fucking nuts”.

Don’t just reference Bruce Springsteen in a speech, pull a female journalist from the press pack and dance with her on stage.

I saw Bob Brown on 7.30 last night wearing a pirate shirt, why should he have all the fun?

Instead of seeking to appeal to the soft left of inner city Greens voters,  the ALP could go hard left and actually abolish private property. Bob Hawke is already half pickled so lets pump him full of formaldehyde and display him at Parliament House.

Forget making gay marriage simply legal, deem it compulsory, if only for the priceless image of Clive Palmer walking Tony Abbott down the aisle towards a visibly uncomfortable Bob Katter.

None of these ideas will sway the result come election polling, Labor couldn’t win if it was played Daniel Day Lewis, but it would make the six and a half months until election day a lot more bearable.


You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • I Want to Meet You in 2019 — Yes, You!

    Want Meet 2019 Yes, You!

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned on my startup journey, it’s the value of a network. Over the last year I’ve met hundreds of amazing people who have opened... Read more

    The 13 December 2018 by   Trendytechie
    FASHION, GADGETS, LIFESTYLE, TECH
  • I’m One Tired Mother Trucker.

    Tired Mother Trucker.

    Less than two weeks from Christmas. I feel like I should be happy and joyous and singing Jingle Bells off-key like every year. But, alas, I am a tired mother... Read more

    The 13 December 2018 by   Midlifemargaritas
    LIFESTYLE
  • Track Of The Day: Manic Street Preachers - Sequels Of Forgotten Wars

    Track Day: Manic Street Preachers Sequels Forgotten Wars

    Continuing our look at tracks from 2018's best albums, here's the mighty Manic Street Preachers with one of the many highlights from 13th LP 'Resistance Is... Read more

    The 13 December 2018 by   Rw/ff
    ENTERTAINMENT, MUSIC
  • Budget-friendly Geocaching Day Trips Will Get Your Kids In the Holiday Spirit

    Budget-friendly Geocaching Trips Will Your Kids Holiday Spirit

    If you're looking for day trip ideas which will get your kids into the holiday spirit, you should give geocaching a try. In case you are unfamiliar, geocaching... Read more

    The 13 December 2018 by   Catherine Mcdiarmid-Watt
    FAMILY, FINANCE, SHOPPING
  • Bombardier Challenger 300

    Bombardier Challenger

    @ San Francisco International Airport, CA June 2018 This Challenger is on final approach to SFO. First flown in 2001, the Challenger 300 is a 3,000+ mile range... Read more

    The 13 December 2018 by   Htam
    PHOTOGRAPHY, SOCIETY
  • 20 YEARS AGO: Delakota - 555

    YEARS AGO: Delakota

    A pick from another one of 1998's best albums. Delakota's first and only album 'One Love' combined the big beat and hip hop sounds of the late 90s with strong... Read more

    The 13 December 2018 by   Rw/ff
    ENTERTAINMENT, MUSIC
  • New Practices and Techniques I'm Exploring Lately

    Practices Techniques Exploring Lately

    Glazed Cruller in Space by Kenny ScharfIn my post My Evolving Home Practice ) in April of this year I described some of the main things I had been focusing on i... Read more

    The 13 December 2018 by   Ninazolotow
    FITNESS, HEALTH, HEALTHY LIVING

Magazines