I guess when you have a lot to say sometimes it can be harder to write it all down. That's where I am right now.
Since coming home from holiday I have been in harefield hospital for over a week. My lung function plummeted from approx 90% to just 47%. With a clear chest and no signs of infection I was bronched ASAP. The bronch came back clear and the hospital started there arsenal of tests. This including my reflux test which I have been waiting to re have. Fundo op It came back positive and now I'm waiting for the operation as an emergency. I have to say part of me still thinks something else is wrong, something's missing. Apparently I have had severe reflux since before transplant when I had my original test, now I know that I had it then, I used to vomit from it constantly and often if I laid down it would spray out my nose but I don't have these symptoms any more. I understand about this silent reflux, due to my nerves being cut at transplant I shouldn't feel it, but surely it should still make me vomit while it runs up my oesophagus, surely it would still run out my nose? And if it's always been bad then why has it done this damage to my lungs now over the space of a week or so while I was on holiday? I'm not saying I don't have reflux and there wrong, I'm sure I probably do but it just seems to not fit in together as it should and I feel that maybe there something else there missing?
So tomorrow I'm being re bronched, possibly looking for a missing link in the story or making sure no infection or rejection set into these now damaged and vulnerable areas of lung.
Will I recover? Well if this is all reflux, after the operation the question is will it all bounce back? Well it seems no one really knows, a small percent recover what they lost as it was only inflammation caused, not full blown lung damage, most, stabilise and the rest? Deteriorate. Iv been given a course of the lovely methyl prednisalone again (high dose steroid :-/) which stops inflammation and unfortunately my lung function didn't budge a smidgin. This makes me worry that my precious lungs are now damaged.
This drop in lung function has left me remarkable breathless and my exercise tolerance is restricted at walking and high levels of focusing on my breathing. At times I cannot walk and talk but others I seem to be ok. I have adjusted remarkably quickly to the change.
What now? Well I have the bronch tomorrow, I wait for this operation and Im working hard, Although it's tough, I have to walk, I have to exercise, iv got to keep moving. This is the only way I will recover quicker from the surgery and the only way to get my lungs stronger. I'm determined to get over this and determined to not let it get me down. My mind is clear and focused on one goal, getting home fit and healthy. Till then nothing else matters because it all becomes insignificant, if I don't recover and don't get better then I will start to lose everything again and that isn't a option.
I am up here without my hubby and without my mom but I'm lucky to have friends and family who have been amazing especially my step mom and dad so thank you to everyone who has expressed there love and support. My mom and stu have decided due to funds and work to come up when I need them most, at the operation. Until then I miss them like crazy and cherish the 6 hour+ journey stu did yesterday to be with me for 9 hours. Although watching him leave was extremely painful and sad.
So I think I will leave the blog there, I will be writing another blog soon on a special visitor I had, my idol. I will also keep everyone as updated as possible. Thank you.
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