Entertainment Magazine

My Simplistic Review Of The Smart Watch

By Christopher De Voss @chrisdevoss

Samsung, Sony, and Apple are all in the process of releasing a smart watch, because our sun tanned wrists are just begging for that albino skin patch to reappear when not wearing one.

The watch market has been declining rapidly over the last couple of years with everyone using their cell phones to keep time, as well as display the weather, play games, look at porn, and update Facebook…basically everything a watch can’t do.

The Contenders:

Samsung Galaxy Gear

Samsung Galaxy Gear

Sony SmartWatch 2

Sony SmartWatch 2 (I think it’s a bad design for a watch if you have to hold it in your palm…wait…what? Oh, nevermind…that was just for this picture.)

The Apple iWatch just released just minutes before the Apple iWatch 2 and 3.

The Apple iWatch  released just minutes before the Apple iWatch 2 and 3 is unveiled.

Let’s take a minute and go down memory lane…remember the calculator watch?

How scientific!

How scientific!

Or the game watch?

If I remember right, it was as big head.

If I remember right, it was as big as your head.

Or how about the WTF watch?

The watch for douche bags. You don't know how to read it, but it gets people to notice you.

The watch for douche bags. You don’t know how to read it, but it gets people to notice you and then ask you how to read it. Which just makes you look at someone else’s watch for the correct time.

From the initial reports the smart watch has to work in conjunction with your phone, so I don’t really see the point. It let’s you know when you missed a phone call from the phone that most likely is in your pocket…ringing…or vibrating…or vibrating and ringing…or has a dead battery…

Changing the face of the watch using a Galaxy Note 3. (My next phone! Want!)

Changing the face of the watch using a Galaxy Note 3. (My next phone! Want!)

Moving on.

You can do what you might expect it to do, play music, update Facebook/Twitter, check email, view the weather instead of looking out the window…and take pictures. Some of the smart watches allow you to use it as a phone with a blue tooth headset on, and we all know how special the people who use those day in and day out look.

The camera on the Samsung version is in the wrist band so that you can take pictures while looking like a posed Power Ranger without the Power Ranger outfit. Actually I don’t know if you have the outfit on or not. I apologize for assuming the latter.

The watches will range in the $300 range which is a little pricey for a watch unless your a rapper.

I got your SmartWatch bitch!

I got your SmartWatch bitch! (Why do you suppose this picture is taken in the bathroom?!)

One advantage the traditional watch has over the Smart Watch, the traditional watch battery can last years, whereas the Smart Watch battery is hoping to get 26 hours.

One advantage the Smart Watch has over the traditional watch, technology is cool!

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