Starring: Ryan Gosling and Kristen Scott Thomas.
Written By: Nicolas Winding Refn
Directed By: Nicolas Winding Refn
I thought Getaway was going to be the worst movie of 2013. Then, I decided to pop on Only God Forgives because I saw it suggested to me on Netflix. Good god. I honestly couldn’t finish it. I consider this film to be “unwatchable”. It’s the first film this year that I can’t find a single redeemable quality to defend the film with. Top reasons Only God Forgives is a 100% complete waste of celluloid.
1) If you like your Ryan Gosling emotionless, often staring with an expressionless face off into nothingness, than this is your movie! Ryan Gosling spends large chunks of the movie just looking off at things. Staring into the camera. No expression on his face. As a directorial choice too, it’s just terrible to cut to shots of Ryan Gosling just staring off into space. Is his character daydreaming? Post traumatic stress disorder? Brain damaged?
2) The odd sexual tension between Gosling and Thomas is unappealing. She’s playing his mother, and it seems like they really want to fuck. She even puts her head in his crotch, and basically admits to having slept with his brother. Eeew.
3) Everyone seems to walk really slowly. If you, for some reason, decide to watch this film. I’m sure you’ll notice what I’m talking about. It’s like the entire movie is in slow motion, but it isn’t. Everyone is just moving really slowly, as an acting choice.
4) What the fuck is this movie about? You’ll find yourself asking that, even after the plot has been explained to you. It’s a revenge flick. Someone killed Ryan Gosling’s brother. And he stares a lot about it.
5) Violence. Just because. I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised that the director of Drive likes gratuitous violence. But it seems like we have violence in parts, just because. Even Scorsese cuts away sometimes. You don’t have to completely alienate your audience that came to see a Ryan Gosling movie, and not Saw XVII.
6) THIS is what Nicholas Winding Refn followed Drive up with? THIS? Wow. He’s a one trick pony. This film is almost a parody of Drive, turning Gosling into some emotionless Terminator, and ramping up the violence. You don’t win fans and accolades by turning DOWN the acting and turning UP the gore. That just makes you a hack director.
7) Gosling’s bizarre relationship with his woman. There’s an extended sequence where he’s watching her masturbate. Later, he throws her against a wall, chokes her, and she takes off her dress. Lady, you are not Rihanna, and he is not Chris Brown.
This movie is 90 minutes long. I think I made it about an hour or so into the film before I just couldn’t take it anymore. It’s a pointless film, excessively violent, and featuring the worst acting performance from Gosling in his entire career. And I’m including Mickey Mouse Club. The movie title is true. Only God Forgives. I will not forgive Refn for this trash. Avoid this movie at all costs.
FINAL GRADE: F
