Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Bill Nighy, Miranda Otto, Jai Courtney, Yvonne Strahovski
Directed By: Stuart Beattie
This might already be in the bargain bin at Best Buy. A cinematic wonder of a flop that will be remembered by virtually nobody in 10 years. You might call it a cinematic fart, but of the silent and deadly variety. I really wanted to hate I Frankenstein, but I found it to just be incredibly silly, yet taking itself very very seriously.
Someone actually wrote backstory to this, and envisioned a world where demons and gargoyles are battling, and Frankenstein’s monster is stuck in between. Does he want to save humans? Or not? Oh, and in this world, Frankenstein’s monster (aka Adam) has only been alive for about 200 years. Add to that I’m not sure what time period we are currently in, because the movie is so gothic, yet futuristic, it’s incredibly confusing.
It also makes very little sense. The premise is that demons can possess bodies without souls, but the only bodies without souls are corpses… unless they can reanimate corpses after the soul has left the body. Then, demons can repossess bodies after they’ve been killed (as demons). Apparently, Gargoyles just ascend to heaven and they have no recourse. Maybe they can possess babies?
Halfway through the movie, Adam and Doctor Girl stumble into a crack den of a hell hole, which happens to have running water, and a bed. And… a needle and thread so she can patch him up? What kind of a fully stocked crack den is this?
Also, the demons look like fucking Wishmaster. Seriously. The most bizarrely awful looking demons in years. Halloween mask bad. The gargoyles aren’t much better either. Whoever designed these people needs to go back to working for SyFy, and not big screen features.
I feel bad for Stuart Beattie, who apparently was forced to cast Kevin Grevioux (who wrote the film) in a small part in the film. Mary Shelly is also credited for her “characters”, though I’m sure she’d rather not be credited after seeing this. He doesn’t look like he’s pieced together at all, he looks like he was just in a bad car accident. His skin tones aren’t even different. And his hair… how did Frankenstein’s monster get fantastic hair like that?
I can’t recommend this film without the inevitable RiffTrax to accompany it. I’m convinced Ben Sachs of the Chicago Reader didn’t watch the film. His soundbyte on Rotten Tomatoes is: “This novel premise quickly gives way to lots of chaotic action, though there are numerous incidental pleasures throughout.” Oh how deliciously vague. He enjoyed I Frankenstein, yet not The Fault In Our Stars, Chef, or Captain America: The Winter Soldier. He did enjoy, however, Winter’s Tale. He hated Frozen.
I know that’s a tangent, but it’s important to note that only THREE critics gave I Frankenstein a favorable rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and I would immediately call into question the legitimacy of all of them. Even if you found it to be OK, you still can’t say it deserves a “fresh” score on Rotten Tomatoes. I wouldn’t take a critic seriously if he gave this more than a C or 2 stars. For me… I would say it was like the rotting flesh of Aaron Eckhart’s Adam… fake looking and vaguely confusing.
FINAL GRADE: D
