Normally I would post a trailer before diving into the meat of the film post, but to be honest, I only need to post one thing from this amazing kids television movie. Cartoons in the 80s was, still is, the shit. You can take your Nickelodeon toon’s and shove it cause it doesn’t get better than watching 30 mins commercials for toys that fucking ruled. I have been watching the G.I. Joe cartoon on Netflix this past week and it has been awesome. I am recapturing the essence of my childhood in marathon sessions of “Yo JOE” and PSA’s about knowing something about battles or whatever. Personally, the series was kick ass but the movie, oh God, the movie was truly a stroke of genius. Sure, they didn’t follow through with their plan to kill off a main character, but for me G.I. Joe The Movie had one of the amazing openings to a movie in forever. Check out below:
YES! Isn’t that intro one of the most amazing intros to any film or television ever?! It warms my cockles to see that glorious intro with the singers shouting “COBRA” and then the Joe’s fucking come out of nowhere to thwart Cobra Commander and his devious plans. You got Cobra conducting an all out assault of the statue of freedom for America, but then America shows up and schools Cobra on what an efficiently, over bloated military budget can do. Jetpacks, lasers, explosions, bubble ships, land attacks, sea attacks and air attacks! I about passed out from the sheer magnitude of Michael Bay like fetishes crammed into a 3 minute opening.
I can’t remember what the exact plot of this movie was, mainly my brain is still trying to recover from the explosion induced coma that stemmed from watching that opening. I do remember something about space spores and Cobra acquiring the BET machine. I can understand the lure of wanting to watch Black Entertainment Television, but they can steal cable just as easy. There is no need to steal the entire transmitter or whatever.
Oh yeah, something about the changing of the film. Originally Hasbro was going to kill off Duke to make way for some other royalty named person to be the latest toy for Hasbro. Well The Transformers cartoon came out before this one and they killed off Optimus Prime sending little girly kids to go crying. So they changed the scene and had him slip into a medical coma or something idiotic. So a show based on good guys shooting tons of bad guys, all presumably dying in the worst way possible is something kids can watch, but a scene where the only good guy gets some sweet Cobra karma done to him and that’s bad. I thought this was America people!
Anyways, I am done for today’s post, other than to finish up some more G.I. Joe. YO JOE!
