It’s interesting how some things never seem to really change that much. Once upon a time women (mostly) stayed home if they could afford to and their job was to take care of the home and children. The Dad earned the money and everyone knew their roles and life was simple (sort of, maybe for some but not for others).
Then women became liberated—which sounded great in the beginning, but has led too many women to have two full-time jobs instead of one. Women are going to college and graduating at higher rates than their male peers. Many women are beginning to out earn their partners—and there is an increasing number of women who are the breadwinners while Dad stays at home and cares for the house and kids. All of these work when two people in a relationship are OK with them—so that of course is what choice is all about and what it looks like when it’s working optimally. However, women continue to be the ones who give birth, do much of the nurturing and caretaking, and make the greatest sacrifices in their careers—in spite of all the changes and progress that have taken place in our society.
The NY Times has an interesting piece titled “The Motherhood penalty vs The Fatherhood Bonus.” Essentially it’s a provocative look at how a man’s career benefits from having children and a woman’s suffers if she becomes a mother. Apparently women who are mothers are less likely to get that job, they are perceived as less able and capable workers—and are not paid as well as their males peers doing the same job. Men who are fathers are more likely to be hired for the job (are stable and reliable) and are actually paid more (need to support their families), especially if they become fathers while in their job.
Variables like types of jobs, hours worked, and what their spouses earn/don’t earn have no impact on these differences. Therefore it’s about perception and expectations of women workers who are moms vs male workers who are Dads. Amazing given how many well-educated, professional women are out there—including CEO’s, women entrepreneurs, women in the professions and women in high-level government positions.
This is bad enough, but worse when we consider that 71% of Moms with children at home work outside the home. 40% of these women are the sole breadwinners—40%. The only exception was women in the top 10% of earners who lost no income when they had children. Those in the top 5% even got bonuses equal to those of their male counterparts.
This study underlines the importance of women knowing what they want and planning and working for it—but recognizing they can’t have it all, all at the same time. It is this belief that too often leaves women wondering what they are doing wrong or why their incredible efforts aren’t turning out the same results as the men they know are getting. For women, having a career requires something men don’t have to have—a determination and good support at home as well as the workplace. They may need to be more patient for some things and more aggressive and persistent when going after others. A woman’s life holds many possibilities and she can be what she wants to be and have the things she desires, just like the guys do. However, never or rarely at the same time—and never without some additional sacrifice of time, leisure, and rest. If women get hung up on fairness or look for a 50/50 split with the men in their lives, they will be disappointed. At least until we figure out how to alter basic biology—women will almost always do the lion’s share of parenting and that has its price.
