I am back again, measly people, and this time it's personal. You landlubbers have been mocking my majestic manners for too long, and it's time for you to go to school. For one thing, I didn't step on a Lego brick This photo, so just leggo of this idea. And who is this Bill Gates that says Mosquitos scare him more than sharks? It'll take a little longer than Deep Woods Off to chase me away, Brainiac. To top it off, you have this worthy Baby Shark song that you are even turn it into a TV show. Take care, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo / shark attack, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Sorry, I bite the shark a little hard sometimes. You would too, if there was an entire shark week dedicated to your species (hooray!) And a TV station decided to celebrate this by putting on a show where you fight a human boxer. (I can't even come up with this idea). Yes, the Discovery Channel announced this week that a guy named Mike Tyson and I would be doing it on a show called Tyson vs. Jaws: Rumble on the Reef will be challenging Sunday, August 9th at 9pm ET / PT.
Of course, I volunteered as a tribute to my species, just like me In 2017 when I was on the show, I was driving a guy named Michael Phelps. You haven't seen HIM much lately, have you? Yeah, yeah, OK, I didn't actually eat it, but I won this race by a whopping two seconds. Look at me. I am the gold medalist now.
Here's what the Discovery Channel says of the show: "Legendary boxer and entrepreneur Mike Tyson is facing a new challenge ... and he's chosen the most unlikely training partner. Iron Mike will take on one of the ocean's best apex predators in Tyson vs Jaws : Rumble on the Reef. With famous ring announcer Michael Buffer in charge, these two heavyweights will compete underwater where Mike Tyson will attempt to get a TKO over the massive shark ... all in the name of research Don't worry, no sharks were injured (or bitten) in the creation of this episode. "
"Legendary." That word, I don't think it means what you think it means. Did you see my opponent's photo? Nice to eat you sir. Are you scared? I am scared. The smiling pineapple rubber duck inflatable sunglasses really seal them in.
"I faced this challenger to overcome the fears I still have to deal with in life," Tyson said in a statement. "I equate this with overcoming my fear of getting back in the ring at 54. I learned from that experience at Shark Week that I can still face the challenge of overcoming anything that keeps me from doing it Fulfill the mission of my life to reach my highest potential in life and bring me closer to God. "
I mean, if this helps you, well, Mister Heavyweight Chomp-Ian. But did you know that shark ears aren't big floppy attachments to gnaw on, but tiny holes in our massive, scary heads? We don't find tattoos on the face terrifying either. And we don't need inflatable pineapple ducks or cute little snorkels to be at home underwater. Oh look you can smash a surfboard. How sweet. I brush my teeth with surfers every day and twice on Sunday.
It's interesting that the Discovery Channel knows exactly what is going to happen. It's not like doing 12 rounds butts and overcuts in satin pants and padded gloves with Aquaman as my trainer. They carefully say "no sharks were harmed" without mentioning whether the two-legged, gillless human was harmed. I mean, if the question comes up, who's going to really make a splash in this fight, Iron Mike needs a bigger boat.
