Mental Health is a serious issue affecting our society today.
In an effort to get rid of the negativity and the stigma against mental issues, these brave people have chosen to share their stories with you.
Be nice, read, reflect and respond reasonably.
Mental Health Mondays has NOT died, it is ongoing, but it needs you to be brave by sending in your stories, in order to continue.
If you would like to express yourself and share your story on Mental Health Mondays, please feel free to email me at bewilderedbug(at)gmail(dot)com or tweet me at @bewilderedbug
Let’s continue to spread mental health awareness together
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Please welcome the dynamic duo of guest posters, a husband and wife team, Dan & Karen.
Karen was one of my first ever guest posters on this blog, and spoke about healthy living, but you will usually find her writing over on her blog, Life with Karen. I only recently realized that Karen has lived with the experience of being the caretaker of someone with a mental illness, her husband Dan. Having to live with her undiagnosed husband, going through his diagnosis and healing journey with him, Karen has a unique and educated view on Bipolar Disease and what life with Bi Polar is all about. A great friend, a bit of a health freak (lol) and an amazing person, please welcome Karen to the blog.
Dan writes about his mental health illness, bi-polar II with psychotic tendencies and his thoughts about how he reached his diagnosis and opened himself up to healing. It is a really good example of someone who knows himself well enough to succeed in managing his mental illness for the rest of his life to allow himself a good quality of life. By acknowledging his illness and getting it treated he was able to secure a loving relationship with all of those around him and a unique view on how he has grown with the mental illness under control. Please welcome Dan to the blog.
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I have to admit that I can be somewhat of an ostrich sometimes.
When a situation starts becoming a little too real I prefer to bury my head in the sand. I’ll come out later- when the coast is clear. This time, however, there was no hiding from our problems. It was time to face the monster head-on.
In March 2012 my husband and I were having one of our typical arguments. I needed something from him, I needed to be heard, and he was being a stubborn goat. I couldn’t get him to see what I was trying to get across. Nothing was new about this fighting and each time we had this conflict I would get more worn down. In one incredibly brave moment I shouted “Why don’t you just get your bipolar checked out?”
For the next split second there was a deafening silence. I dropped to my knees, sobbing. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
Was I sorry for what I had said? No. I was sorry that this man I had spent years covering up for and protecting in various ways had to hear the truth that had been fluttering around in my mind for quite some time. I could no longer pretend that there was nothing wrong. It was a make-it or break-it moment in our relationship.
Daniel walked out the room in silence. I thought for sure our marriage was over, that he was on his way into the bedroom to pack his bags and head out the door. Surprisingly, he came back in the room, sat down on the floor with me, hugged me with an embrace that said he would never be walking away, and asked, “Do you really think that’s possible? Do you really think there could be an answer for what is wrong with me other than I’m just a jerk?”
So began our journey to a bipolar II diagnosis for my husband and the subsequent travel to wellness. Daniel has taken his health extremely seriously; even his psychiatrist has praised him for his effort and his writing skills that assist the doctor in making medication adjustments and getting to the bottom of disturbing symptoms.
This has not been easy, and it is far from over. But, we are on our way to a new life of stability, routine, and comfort.
Serena made a comment on one of my Facebook status updates that inspired this post. To paraphrase, she said that people are afraid of mental illnesses. People are uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say, what to expect, or how to respond in order to help. She is absolutely correct. It was all of these reasons that caused me to panic once my suspicions were shared with my husband.
Yes, life had been a roller coaster for the twelve years we’d been together and Daniel was untreated.
How, though, was life going to change once we started digging deeper?
Hiding our heads in the sand isn’t going to help anyone. It may prevent an awkward moment, but think of all of years of pain and distress your loved one has endured. Think of all he or she may have suffered because he or she didn’t want to cause loved one to feel the same
grief. If you suspect that someone you care about has a mental health issue that is unchecked, I urge you to put aside your own feelings of discomfort and encourage that person to seek professional health.
I can say from experience that coming out on the other side, being forced to walk this incredibly difficult mile with my husband, has been well worth the effort.
I’m not going to lie. There are still days I would like to pretend that bipolar disorder doesn’t even exist, much less face the fact that we have to deal with it. The truth is, though, that this will never just go away. Sometimes we have to pull up those boot straps and face reality.
Today I will choose to be strong and proud instead of the ostrich with her head stuck in the sand.
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Now onto Dan who has Bipolar II with psychotic tendancies / Abandonment issues
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So I have been asked to write this guest post.
I have been asked to write about being bipolar.
My name is Dan, Karen’s husband. You know, the ostrich lol.
What can I really say? It’s not like I went through life with the outlook someone looking at me would have. I always knew something was wrong. I always knew I got depressed, really depressed. But for me that was normal. It wasn’t about HOW depressed or HOW up I got, it was about adjusting.
When I was UP, I never could understand why everyone wanted to hold me down. It was like they were all jealous of me and everything I could do. It was like they wanted to drag me down and that made me really mad. I felt like none of my needs were being met and I just wanted to take off and be the person I knew I could be and do all of the amazing things I knew I was capable of. I felt like the hypo mania I experienced was the “normal” me, and the rest of the time I was just depressed. I felt like if I could try hard enough than I could overcome it and get back to the normal me and do great things again.
On the flipside, the depression was really, really bad. I thought I hid it well. I thought that people appreciated the mellow side of me. lol. I thought that it was no big deal. That as long as I didn’t dwell on it, then it would just pass. Even when I was cutting, I just couldn’t see how that was wrong. I used it as a tool, after all.
I am trying to explain this in a way that someone going through this can identify with. I am trying to be a good guest poster and maybe make a difference in the life of someone that feels this way too. What can really be said about bipolar? It sucks. Always has and always will.
My onset was around the age of nine. I never did have the normal childhood experience that others did. No school dances or girlfriends. No consistant friendships that did not revolve around drug usage. No attention to school work or homework. I could not have cared less. I was too focused on myself. Too focused on how I felt and everything that was going wrong to ever make a difference for myself on my own.
From homelessness to drug use, a suicide attempt to impromptu trips to Tucson and Apache Junction to start over. Always trying to start over. Always. Getting caught up in my own disillusioned perspectives just to get by. Imagining scenarios in my head constantly just so I could feel good about myself, always making myself out to be the hero. Giving everything to someone just in the hope that they can see past whatever was wrong with me and see the real me.
Ugh.
This is bipolar.
There is much more than the hypo mania and the depression.
This is me.
Putting a name on it and taking the mood stabalizers and the anti psychotic has made all the difference in the world. The meds allowed me to see that I was looking at everything through the lense of a magnifying glass, everything seeming bigger and more than it really was. It always had been. They don’t cure a person, but they do minimize everything to the point that everything becomes manageable. That is stability. Manageability. The fine line between being overmedicated and out of control. So now I am on 100 mg. of Lamictal and 7.5 mg. of Abilify. I have to take 1000 mg. of fish oil and I also take a multi vitamin too.
At first I had to cut out all caffeine, but after the anti psychotic made me lethargic at work I was allowed coffee on workdays. I love coffee so much I am just happy to have some during the week. Not weekends though, only days I work.
Oh well… boo hoo right? I don’t feel sorry for myself. I don’t want others to either.
I have a lot of catching up to do. I feel like once the cycling was under control, that I was back to feeling like I did when I was sixteen. I’m 33 for goodness sake, I can’t be feeling like a teenager. But developmentally, I know I have missed out on a lot! A lot of lessons in my future. A lot of development. I know just how far behind I am and am taking this challenge of catching up head on.
I tried to talk about the unseen side of bipolar. I tried to talk about the ‘behind the scenes’ of it. The unpopular stuff that never gets mentioned. If you can relate… and your in that place… seek out someone safe. Spend the $120 or so and talk to a psychologist. They are safe and won’t share your secrets to your friends or family.
Just do it! Sit there and stare at them if you don’t feel like you can talk. If you get there, they will know what to do. They can take over and you won’t have to control the situation, they will for you.
Hope this helps,
Dan
