May - the Maddest Month.

If you're a parent in the USA, May is always a ker-azee month. Most schools finish either mid-end of May or early June, and in Chicago at least, every single activity is held this month.
In the Expat household we have -

• The Queenager's finals. Now complicated by the fact that she has some sort of eye thing going on and she's very worried about it being a corneal abrasion, which her friend had. Except it was mis-diagnosed and now her friend can't see out of that eye. Oh, and everything would be a lot better if the Q could perhaps get herself to bed before midnight and be on top form for said exams. (Apparently I'm being unrealistic in saying that.)
• The Man-Child's finals - except he's doing the teen equivalent of sticking his fingers in his ears and singing "La la la" very loudly.
• 3rd grade family history month - so the Little Guy has to finish writing a story about family traditions by Thursday night (eek). His family tradition is that when we go skiing in Colorado, someone always gets either injured or ill. It would be funny if it wasn't true.
• Little Guy's birthday in June. I asked him what he wanted and, at a time when I really need some clues, he said "Surprise me". Grrr. 
• The world's biggest garage sale. I may have mentioned this before, but I help run the School's Jumble/garage sale which is the weekend after next. We have been collecting stuff every Tuesday morning for the entire school year; it takes two full days and an army of volunteers to set things up; we fill two gyms and a cafeteria with stuff. At the end of it, having spent four full days on my feet, I am DEAD. 
• In-laws coming a few days after that, and I currently have so much stuff in the guest bedroom that I can't even see the beds! 

All of the above is complicated by the fact that I'm leaving for England at the end of May and I haven't even finished making the arrangements, like somewhere to stay while in London. I'm leaving with the Queenager for a cousin's wedding and the Ball & Chain is flying over with the boys when they finish school  (a week later). 
For anyone who hasn't attempted to "get away" for a few days - think carefully before you do. It's almost not worth it. My to-do list to cover the week I'm gone is now running two pages, and includes things like buying and wrapping teacher gifts, (and leaving them in a place where they cannot possible be over-looked), writing packing lists for the boys, (and packing as much of it as possible), buying Little Guy's birthday presents, wrapping them and reminding the Ball & Chain to "do something nice" on the actual day. (We are having a belated celebration in England and I've promised him a September party, just in case anyone's worried that he's being neglected.) 
Speaking of the garage sale, as I was, every so often something comes in that just makes us all laugh out loud. Yesterday it was Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney and his "other woman". Seriously. I even got photos, which I'm planning to sell to the highest bidder. 
Look.