Family Magazine

Marriage Mondays-Respect Vs. Love

By Shawndrarussell

He said:
What one man deems as respect could be totally different for another.  The same can be said for the definition of love amongst women.  For example, some men want to take care of all the financial responsibilities, and make the majority of decisions when money is involved.  If a woman allows him to do this, then he sees that as a sign of respect. Nowadays, with more women becoming joint-breadwinners, there has been a shift in this philosophy.  So, the respect factor would have to come from some other mode if the woman figured out most of the finances.  It's not rocket science, but it does take a lot of communication and understanding from both sides to be effective.  In other words, don't tell him/her what you think that they would want to here you say.  Tell them what would really make you feel loved or respected. Regarding love and respect, these two concepts can be tough to restore, especially if you REALLY mess up.  It takes time, too, for all wounds to heal (cue the soft jazz in the background), and if these are lacking in your relationship, it could take a long time to restore.  That is not meant to discourage you, but to challenge you. So in recap, wives need love, and husbands need respect.  Take the time to find out what that means to your spouse, and stick to it.
She said:
Take the "D" word (divorce) off the table. If both people are committed to the marriage and love and respect, throwing the "D" word around should be prohibited. Early on in our marriage when I got mad, this word flew out a few times and the look of pain and the damage it did was nearly irreparable. So just don't say it. It destroys both the respect your partner has for you and then they feel that you don't respect them either. Obviously, it also doesn't convey any love and can seriously damage your love for days, weeks, months, and maybe even years. To make a marriage work, the respect and love trains have to be completely full and running smoothly (although bumps in the road are inevitable); just by focusing on these two elements, you will make the right decisions more often and have a happier, healthier marriage as a whole. 

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