The internet is wonderfully democratic. And like all democracies it occasionally reveals things that make me wish natural selection worked faster. Case in point: the blog “Marriage Isn’t For You” that attracted over 26 million views.
The post is to intellect what onions are to eyes: if you have any, it’ll make you weep. To spare you reading the waffle I’ll summarise:
On the eve of his wedding your man Seth Adam Smith goes out for a little man-to-man chitchat with Papa Smith. Who says: you don’t get married for you – marriage is about the person you marry (and babies).
Let me stop you right there SAS. If marriage isn’t about you then why are you marrying your high school sweetheart instead of, well, anyone else? If it doesn’t matter who you marry because it’s not about you, it’s about them then the only prerequisite for a life-partner is a pulse and a vagina (or penis). Anything more would be selfish!
The whole it doesn’t matter what who you marry because it’s about them is, to borrow a line from Dr Gonzo, “good advice – if you have shit for brains”. But then that shouldn’t come as a surprise since it was penned by some dopey Mormon kid (“it’s a hobby of mine,” SAS chirps. “Spirituality is the way in which I best understand the world”). Take marital advice from the adherent of a sect founded on bigamy (and that is notorious for near-Catholic levels of sexual abuse) at your own risk, I say
What makes me despair of the millions who thought boyo was on to something is this bit:
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. …But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish [sic] I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
Now it all makes sense. Marriage is all about selfless giving as long as it is the other person (specifically the woman) doing the giving. That’s right, take Daddy’s advice, dump it on your bride then congratulate yourself on having such a loving, selfless wife. Jesus. What a prick.
“I promised my wife I would try to be better,” he bleats. Love that word “try”. Shouldn’t he be saying something like: “I will man up and practice the farcical nonsense I preach”?
Not only did millions miss that SAS a stonking-great smug-faced hypocrite hoist on the petard of his own badly-spelled blog, but they appear to have overlooked the real moral of this story:
Never trust anyone who claims to have no self-interest – especially not in a relationship. It is always a lie at some level (if only the biological) and it indicates a dangerous degree of delusion. You know where you stand with someone who has, and admits to, a normal, healthy degree of selfishness. But if you meet someone who claims their only interest is you – run like hell. They’re probably lying to you. They are definitely lying to themselves. Stick around and you’ll get caught in the chaos of their dishonesty – just like poor Kim.
NB: Apparently, SAS has a track record of being a douche. It’s in their wedding announcement: “2010 Seth forgot to write her… 2011 They had a few setbacks … and Kim ran away to San Francisco.” Next time, love. Run farther!
