Every woman thinks that their marriage is special.
They feel it is unique with its’ ups and downs, yelling matches, clashes in personality. disagreements, etc.
They feel that no one could possibly understand what they are going through, and that they are all alone in the great big world of heartache, confusion, and pain.
Ok, first, ALL marriages are the same. Period.
If they are not, either we are discussing newlyweds, or a couple who lies to each other about everything, or nearly everything.
The closest, in my humble opinion that anyone has come to deciphering the code between the two “species”, was John Grey, in his 1992, archetypical masterpiece “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus”.
You may have caught it earlier when I stated that I believe men and women are, or might as well be different “species” from one another. The differences are so vast between the two sexes, that truly, aside from the obvious physical similarities, they might as well be pig and goat, I shall of course not specify genders here.
I’ll give you an example; when women are upset, usually with their man for some reason or another which is blatantly clear to them, they want to be hugged, loved, coddled, and reassured, that everything will be just fine.
Men don’t speak that language. When a man sees a woman crying on a couch, he thinks, oy, something bad must have happened, and therefore asks, quite naturally. “What happened?” And so start the fireworks, because you see, HE is what has happened.
He was insensitive, uncaring, and unloving; “how could you possibly see me sitting here on the couch crying, and not “offer” to come and ease my pain, which inevitably you caused in the first place.
Why?
Very simple. Because we don’t care, and our minds do NOT work that way. ‘WHAT, YOU DON’T CARE?” “How dare you…blah, blah, blah, blah.”
Remember, Mars and Venus!
The mind of the man is not wired the same as a woman’s. We have to train ourselves, or in the case of a weak man, be trained to learn to rewire and realize that her crying on the couch means “go comfort”, “say nice, loving things” and before you know it all will be well once again.
But you see here lays the problem, women don’t believe that this is how a man’s mind works.
They can’t imagine that a man could possibly be so dense.
Well guess what, we are.
And while I am probably exposing some info here that probably comes pretty close to the borders of the “Man Code” – Don’t talk about it zone, it really needs to come out guys.
It does help if the two of you sit down and discuss your individual issues, which are the same (pretty much) as the ones that everyone else has.
But is takes speaking to a real professional to get through the issues. It seems to be pretty hard for two beings, from two different “species” and two different planets,
to actually work things through.
Mordechai
