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My husband and I have made that choice every day to stay together. We have had our ups and downs, but here we are still together. Both of us are fortunate to come from families where our parents were together. My parents are still married, going on 39 years for them. That’s impressive. My husband’s parents got to 25 years of marriage before my husband’s mother died. So I suppose we had some good role models, but these are some of the things in our marriage that I think have helped.
Caring
We still take care of each other. My husband will go to the store for medication for me in the middle of the night if need be. He has held my hair back when I was pregnant and puking and he will take over the care of the kids when I’m not feeling well.
I do the same for him. If he isn’t feeling well I offer him whatever he needs to make him feel better. I don’t complain about it being like having another child to take care of because it’s far from that and because I know he would do the same for me. It’s a mutual respect we have for one another. He is not my child and I’m not his,but we all need a little taking care of every now and then. And isn’t that one of the benefits of being married? That we have someone there to take care of us when we’re not feeling well.
Respect
When you live with, are married to, or just generally care about someone respect is always something important to have. And when it comes to respect that means understanding that someone else might have different opinions than you do and different things that they will find upsetting. First and foremost with this we are honest with each other. We don’t do anything to each other that would be disrespectful to our relationship. That includes humiliating and degrading each other in public. We just don’t do it. I listen to my husband’s opinions on things and he listens to mine. Neither one of us always has the answer. We talk things out with each other and come up with the best solution together.
Love
This goes without saying I know. Of course I love my husband. But I make a choice every day to love him and to make this work. It’s not always easy to do. There have been plenty of times when I would have thrown in the towel. It’s not a cake walk, especially when you have kids. But it’s important to understand that he makes this choice every day too, because you know what? I’m a real bear to live with. I kid you not I’m no gem. I have quite a hot temper and I’m sure my husband could very easily say see ya, but he doesn’t. He’s just as invested in our relationship as I am which is important because it just doesn’t work with one person.
Getting Creative
Now that we have older children going out to have dates has been easier. When they were younger it was much harder because we didn’t have a sitter. So we had to get creative, and still do. Candlelight dinners after the kids went to bed. Movies at home. Playing card games after the kids are in bed. We had to make time. Our kids have always been both of our number one priority so it has been important that we don’t frequently leave them. But set bed times has definitely made it easier to spend time together without the kids. It has always been important to us both that we set those boundaries. It works for us. Everyone has to find their own way to spend time together as a couple, but also making sure family time is important as well.
These are the things I can look at in our relationship and say why I think it has worked for us as long as it has. It’s not always perfect. We had to work through many problems along the way, but we have and that’s why we have been together now for nearly 16 years, married for nearly 14. When the kids are grown I hope we’ll still be able to connect on a different level. I think we will just based on our conversations when the kids are not around. It’s not all always about the kids. And that’s important.
What makes your marriage work?
