Love & Sex Magazine

Marriage Advice: How Can You Have a Loving Relationship?

By Barbarajpeters @CouplesAuthor

As many of you know who avidly read my blogs, I am passionate about helping people improve troubled relationships. Further, I enjoy helping people make good relationships even better. Wherever I go I talk to people; somehow the conversation moves to relationships and my passion gets ignited.  
The other day I was at the ice skating rink with my granddaughter, a place I frequent on a regular basis. I was talking with a lovely staff member about my soon to be released romance novel and her thirty-eight year marriage cropped up. As the conversation developed around the theme of loving relationships, she mentioned a statement her husband made to her recently.
He Said: “You never tried to change me, and I appreciate that.”
She Said: “I married you for who you are, not for who you could be.”
I Said: “Wow, can I use that for my blog?”
So with her permission, here it is. She hit the nail on the head: part of having a loving relationship is to love what we have. 
Trying to manipulate anyone is a set up for failure. We know this is true, but still somehow we try to change our partners. Of course the only person we even have a slight possibility to change is ourselves, and that is still no easy task. 
As Larry James says in his book, How To Really Love The One You’re With: “I will not try to change my love partner because the more I try to change her, the more likely she is to feel rejected and unloved, and therefore resistant to change. I need and have the same commitment from her. I believe that only when both partners are striving to be full and complete within themselves can love and happiness blossom. Change will only come when my love partner or I desire it.”
To have a loving relationship accept your partner, because no one is ever going to be perfect. Release yourself of the need to control all the small stuff. Concentrate on the things about yourself that you can change, and focus on the big picture. Look at the whole of your life, and where you are headed. Have a vision. If you want to travel that journey with someone else, and you think you’ve picked the right person, then you’re going to have to expect some give-and-take. Each of you will need room to breathe and grow. Value your spouse’s ability to hang in there with you, even when you make mistakes. Take your criticisms and replace them with compliments.
Finally, love freely, and let go of the reigns. The ride will be much smoother. 


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