Love & Sex Magazine

Marriage Advice: Can Conflict Be Positive in a Relationship?

By Barbarajpeters @CouplesAuthor

I was riding up to the North Georgia mountains this past weekend with my grandchildren and thought I would ask them a question about conflict. So I asked my 9 year old and my 6 year old if all conflict is bad. To my utmost amazement both answered “no.” Curious enough, I asked why. My 9 year old gave this answer.  She said, “Because without conflict, people arguing for their side, there couldn’t be a solution.”  She also said that everyone has different viewpoints and that hearing what others say can be a learning experience or help to look at something a bit different from their own.

marriage advice conflictOut of the mouths of babes, as they say, when a child says something that surprises you because it shows an adult’s wisdom and understanding of a situation.

Most of us don’t like conflict. And very few people likely see conflict as being part of marriage advice! Some of us are more people pleasers and some of us are just plain conflict avoiders. Actually when you think about the word “conflict,” for most it has only a negative connotation.

For example, as seen in conflict is defined as:

  1. To come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition;
  2. To fight or contend: do battle

Now reading those definitions doesn’t exactly sound positive or like marriage advice in any sense of the word! However, I am challenging the above and here is why. Conflict is inevitable. We all will be in some conflictual situation sometime in our lives.   The trap many fall into is withholding our feelings and falling into a passive-aggressive anger, smothering the conflict and letting it leak out in unhealthy ways.  Stuffing feelings can create a volcano type of reaction in a relationship.

On a positive note, conflict can be seen as having a difference of opinion, and we all have those quite regularly during our daily existence. We do not see eye to eye with everyone, the least of all, of course, our partners.  Conflict can help us clarify the real issue and confront what is at stake in order to see how to resolve the issue before it gets too large to handle. If handled appropriately, conflict can also be a learning experience to create greater emotional closeness, define who we are to our significant other, and pinpoint an area in the relationship where an adjustment needs to be made or marriage advice given.

On the other hand, unidentified, un-discussed, and unresolved conflict can have damaging results!  It raises stress and lowers the immune system. It can also lead to misunderstood feelings, emotional distress and distancing from each other. But we must know how to express conflict in a respectful and loving way, and know priorities of which battles are worth fighting.

As Abraham Lincoln said when he was facing conflict of a torn nation, “Let minor differences, and personal preferences, if there be such, go to the winds.”

Conflict is not something to be feared.  It is a normal part of any close and healthy relationship and it is an opportunity to grow. My marriage advice for using conflict wisely is this:  Remind yourself to stop and calmly assess the conflict, take a deep breath, express your feelings using “I” statements and listen to your partner’s perspective.  Using conflict to grow closer together will help you have a forever marriage – the gift of a lifetime. 

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By Tracy Smith
posted on 17 August at 23:57

I am miss Tracy from UK, two weeks ago I and my boyfriend had a conflict, so with that he broke up with me saying he no longer wanted to associate with me anymore, I never knew he was interested in working out his marriage with another girl, I was helpless because I loved him so much more than myself, after begging and pleading with him I realized it was out of my hands, he really was leaving me, I could not stay without him, I tried to figure things out with him but he is not listening me, he told me that he is no longer interested that I should look for someone else, I tried all my best but things were not working out, so I had no choice than to look around for help, I went into search of spell caster to help me bring him back to me with the help of spell and after searching I actually finalize to work with ([email protected]) in regards of my lover. after 3 days as he told that my lover will return. my lover returned in surprising way, I was chocked and was so happy I can’t say how much I’m grateful, My lover not only came back to me, but has left his other girl and now has engaged me, we are getting married next month, I don’t know what I would have done without this spell caster you can contact him today [email protected] is spell is for a better life.