A father-daughter team have come up with a program that trains friends and family to be skilled listeners and confidents to their friends and family when they are struggling with problems that are negatively impacting their marriage. Bill Doherty, PhD is a recognized marriage and family therapist who co-founded The Doherty Relationship Institute with his daughter, Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, MS, a licensed associate marriage and family therapist. Together they designed the Marital First Responders Boot Camp training- to help the people who others seek out for support and guidance when in a marital crisis.
Their program has provoked some debate and has its detractors because many professional counselors would perceive it as giving people a “license” to practice therapy. After looking over their program and what their focus is, I would disagree. They want to help empower the many friends and family members who get approached, often out of the blue about a marital crisis. Often these friends have no idea how to respond or can take sides, give advice that makes the situation worse- or try to play rescuer. Any of these can help escalate a crisis and/or cause a rift in the relationship between the helper and helpee.
The Marital First responder program helps its trainees to be better listeners, confidents, and referral sources to those resources that could be of great use to the couple. They are trained by professionals who offer them basic skills, not the training that therapists receive or are licensed to practice.
At the very least this training could help people in crisis avoid the trap of going to their friends and family for therapy- and then being no better or worse off as a result. Couples need a good support system and every therapist assesses this resource when a couple comes to see them. So arming that important resource with the tools to be more effective could only be a good thing.
Of course, the result is only as good as the screening and training for the boot camp is. If folks are drawn to this because of their own unmet needs, that could be a problem. Hopefully, the training weeds out those with issues that would impact their ability to perform effectively in this role. It’s also important that trainees know the limits of this role and are given tools to evaluate their interactions when they help others, to make sure it is not about them, but about the people they are helping.
As a licensed therapist and certified life coach- I see the value of this program and think its detractors should take a hard look at what they are really worried about- its impact and effectiveness or their bottom line.
