Lung Collapsed, Chronic Rejection, Radiation Therapy

I haven't done a blog recently as a lot has been going on, so much that I wanted to wait until I had some answers. I still haven't got all the answers, well definite ones. So here it is.
Ever since my fundoplication, my lung function continued to drop and I felt more and more breathless, have more time off work and generally struggling.
I decided to get a check up at harefield and st Mary's as I was having problems with eating to.
My st Mary went ok.
Unfortunately, harefield didn't. Very out of breath in clinic and a lung function then of only 36% I was in for a bronch next day.
The bronch didn't go well, I woke up In incredible amounts of pain on high litres of oxygen and gasping for breath.
It wasn't until later that afternoon when I was sent for X-ray did we find out why, the nurse came in and announced the surgeon was here to fit a chest drain, I said what? And that was how I was told they had collapsed my lung. This is a small possibility during bronchoscopy when they take a biopsy and due to my continuing decline they decided it was appropriate to take a large biopsy.
The surgeon came in and described he would fit a drain and that should instantly make me feel better.
It was one of the most horrific sounding things iv ever had done, there was no pain, the surgeon made sure of that. But the sounds we horrific, the pushing pulling and general discomfort and feelings of suffocation were horrible. But I didn't cry once, I stared my dad in the face as he held my hand and stayed strong. I didn't want to upset him.
Since then my drain has been removed as my lung had come up, unfortunately not all the way and the bronch didn't come up with any conclusive results. Also the collapse gave me a nasty chest infection making me much worse.
So at the moment, I'm stuck on oxygen, very breathless when I walk and struggling to do stairs and exercise but preserving as its will help my lung come up.
So we get back to what's wrong with my lungs in the first place, well, it looks like I have chronic rejection although its not full confirmed, but I am starting radiation therapy and hopefully this will get me back to pre fundoplication lung function of about 45-50% if not it will stabilises me and we will have to look at my options from there. I'm also in talks with the surgeons about have my lung surgically restuck, but hopeful it will come up on its own.
So things have been really tough and how I feel about it all? Well I'm obviously very upset, I'm upset things have got this bad so quickly and I'm back to a very scary place of limbo, not knowing what the future will be. Can I say that you ever truly leave that place, where you think maybe you can see a future, that you can stop worrying that death is waiting around every corner, I think I was there. Either way, I'm loving, living and still breathing and that's what's important and I thank my donor every day for that gift.
Also here's a link from the week before I came in, of me on daybreak for cf week promoting organ donation and raising awareness of cf. Im very proud of this as I was extremely breathless and still managed to reliever my message, which is transplant saves lives and is a huge gift that I am forever grateful for.
http://www.itv.com/daybreak/health/cystic-fibrosis-transplants/#.Ucisoe4cHLY.facebook
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