Long Awkward Pause’s Tips On Pasta

Pasta.

We all love it. Even if someone says they don’t…they secretly do. It’s too multifaceted not to love. It comes in too many shapes and sizes not to love. There are too many sauce choices to go with it, not to love.

You can serve it as a side dish. You can serve it as the main entree. You can eat it out of a bowl. You can eat it on a plate.

You can eat it hot. You can eat it cold. You can eat it with a fox. You can eat it in a….box…

We’re not sure if this introduction is sounding like Dr. Seuss or Bubba from Forrest Gump in an alternate universe where he dreams of pasta and not shrimp.

Anyway, like I was sayin’, pasta is the fruit of Italy. You can stir it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey’s uh, ravioli, mini ravioli, jumbo ravioli. Canned, frozen, buffet. There’s alfredo pasta, lemon pasta, tomato pasta, shrimp pasta, raimen, pasta and meatballs, pasta salad, pasta and potatoes, pasta tacos, pasta sandwich. That- that’s about it.

Any-who…

Here are some helpful tips for successfully getting the most from your pasta experience:

Tip #1:

Pasta tastes much better if it’s cooked. You can eat it raw, but it will be very crunchy. If you go the raw route, we suggest using a red sauce.

Tip #2:

If you decide to cook your pasta, do not glue it in the shape of a sun on a piece of construction paper first. If you go with the glued pasta anyway, make sure it’s a non toxic glue.

Tip #3:

Pasta is very versatile. It can be used as either a main entree or as a side dish. We would not recommend using it as both in the same meal. Example: Spaghetti and Meatballs with a side of Macaroni & Cheese would be a bad combination.

Tip #4:

After cooking the pasta, be sure to drain the water off before adding any type of sauce. If you decide not to drain the water, your pasta will get really fat. On a side note, if you eat nothing but pasta, you will get really fat.