Life According to the Real Housewives

Reality shows. We all love them, or love to hate them, but either way, its a hot mess I cannot take my eyes off of. Before the Super Bowl last night (who won anyway?) I watched some of my favorite guilty pleasures. As I was watching I kept thinking to myself, "What if we learned all of our life lessons from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?" Then I thought, "Awesome. Period." Hence, this post.
So, here are some real life lessons you can learn from these little goodies.
Brandi

• If you want attention wear as little clothes as possible, or if you do, just show off your little bits. Its just nudity. No big. 
• Talk about your divorce and sex A LOT. Nothing says a good time like ugly crying about your philandering ex and your need to get "some". This will make you lots of friends. Probably stripper friends, but friends nonetheless. 
• Speaking of strippers, teach a pole dancing class to "empower yourself". I know when I am hanging my big A on the pole, I feel stronger than ever. Then when I get off the pole, my legs feel like jell-o. Anyone else have that problem?!
• Compare your wedding with your philandering ex's wedding with his new wife, and laugh creepily about how similar they are. Then you'll know you're really over it until you talk about it AGAIN 5 seconds. That is not annoying. 

Lisa

•  Name your dog, Gigolo, or Giggy for short. Then take him everywhere like hes a furry appendage you just can't put down. And why would you? He's an appendage. 
• Dress said Giggy in clothing that makes him either a prissy girl, or a flamboyant boy. Whichever, he's gender neutral. Seriously, is it a boy or girl? 
• Have a british accent so even in a girl fight, you sound graceful and classy. 
• Throw your daughter a super expensive wedding. Seriously, just do that. Its awesome. 
• Wear lots of pink. 
• Talk about the annual sex you have with your husband. Then laugh. Seriously, is it once a year or not?! 

Kyle

•  Have a hot husband. Have lots of babies with him. 
• Have ridiculously long hair. Then whip your hair back and forth, whip your hair back and forth. 
• Be famous for already being famous while being famous for being the aunt of a really famous girl aka Paris Hilton.
• Cry A LOT. 
• Try and help everyone and always complain that it bites you in the ace, then do it again because you forgot that you said that before. 
• Have a hot husband. Again.

Taylor

• Have an emotional breakdown once a week. It cleanses the soul.
• Fight with everyone. Then be best friends with them. Then fight with everyone. 
• Say things like, "I am going to go Oklahoma on their asses". Its very empowering. 
• Proceed to go "Oklahoma" on their asses. 

Now ladies, you are dressed for success.  Get your diamonds and your ball gowns and get out there.  You have a charmed life to lead.  Tight browed and lifted breast.
*All images are from BravoTV.com