Letting Go

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One of the toughest things of being a parent has to be letting go.  And I assure you it doesn’t get any easier the more you do it.  As a matter of fact I think it gets harder.  With my oldest I remembered I couldn’t wait for her to meet all of her milestones.  I was always looking forward to the next best thing,quite frankly I still am.  Must be the newness of walking this path with her.  Then with each additional child while I cheered for them every time they did or accomplished something new it began getting a little more, this is one step closer to you going out onto your own and it just goes too fast.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not crying into my cornflakes like a blubbering idiot every time my children do something new.  I mean I’m not putting one foot in the grave here.  I am enjoying every single one of these moments in their lives and radiating in mommy pride for them.  But sometimes it’s just really hard.

Times like when you realize that your baby, your last child, is that much closer to independence.  When you will be walking hand in hand with her one minute and passing that little hand over to someone else the next minute.  This morning was one of my last morning snuggles with my youngest.  Because this week she starts “school”.

Our routine on the days that my husband is not here to put our son on the bus is to put her big brother on his bus, come inside, get under the blanket, and read stories.  Just our little special mommy daughter time.  And on Thursday it’s coming to an end for the most part.

Our new routine is going to be put her brother on the bus, come in, get her ready to go to school two days a week.  She is starting a speech program and quite frankly I’m not too sure how it’s going to go leaving her there this week.

And I know, best thing to do when leaving her will be quick hug and kiss goodbye.  Don’t prolong it just go, like ripping off a bandaid.  She might cry the entire hour and a half she’s there for the first few times, or she might do great.  But either way she has been by my side for the last nearly 3 years.  Leaving her with anyone that’s not her daddy or sisters is just another reminder that she’s that much closer to not being under this roof with me.

I know these are all important steps and milestones and I absolutely want to see all of my children grow and mature.  And one day when I have an empty nest I hope I can look back on these days and be proud of how I let go little by little.  And hey, new and wonderful things are on the horizon.

But for now, I’m silently weeping in the corner careful that no one sees as I’m about to let go for the first time really of my youngest child.  I really hope we both make it through the hour and a half we’re apart.  I’m just really going to miss that little munchkin.

What do you do when you have to let go a little more of your children?