I kind of have this thing about the book “The Princess Bride.” I’ve written about it here, and here, and here (among other places.) 
Yesterday, even though I had not remembered any, I went to see if any chickens had been mentioned in the story. I googled “Chicken The Princess Bride” and while I did not find a reference to a chicken in the text, I found something that was (in my opinion) just as good.
Answers to “Why did the chicken cross the road?” by characters from The Princess Bride! Be still my heart.
Note – if you haven’t read the book (and if you haven’t read the book WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?) or seen the movie (REFER TO MY PREVIOUS PARENTHETICAL PHRASE) then these might not make too much sense. If, however, you’ve read the book or seen the movie, these quite possibly qualify as being the funniest replies on the face of the planet.
And so, without any further ado, I give you to -
Why did the chicken cross the road? – as answered by characters from The Princess Bride:
Man in black: Alright, where is the chicken? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide which side the chicken’s really on and we both look… and find out if you’re right, or if we feed you to the chicken.
Vizzini: I am not a chicken farmer, so I can clearly not choose the other side. But it must have known I was not a chicken farmer, it would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the side in front of me.
***Grandson: It’s past that, Grandpa. It crossed it already.
***Vizzini: Ha ha! You fool! It wasn’t a chicken. It was a penguin! I switched birds while your back was turned.
Fezzik: Road, road. I think it called to get it’s car towed.
Grandfather: The chicken is not run over by a car at this time.
***Grandson: Are you trying to trick me? Is this a chicken joke?
Inigo: Chicken, I do no mean to pry, but before you cross the road, you dont by any chance happen to have six feathers on your right hand?
There’s more, if you want here.
I think this weekend, I’ll go out the hen house and read the girls a chapter or two, they and I deserve it.
And seriously, I can’t stress this enough, if, for some reason, you have not read The Princess Bride yet, drop everything you are doing and get your hands on a copy. While you’re at it pick up the movie, you’ll thank me later.
