My New Year's Resolutions for this year included a vague idea I should spend less money on books, instead reading more of my own stuff and the library's, especially since we now have one kid in college and in just over a year will have another. And books can be damned expensive. But I never set any firm rules, any specifics, as far as what that would mean in real life terms. It was a half-hearted promise, not a true resolution, an obvious sign I knew what I needed to do but didn't really want to do anything about it. So I didn't. I should have committed to a plan but shied away. As with any resolution, if you don't set measurable goals you lack the intention to carry it out.
In contrast, there's the promise I made myself to get more healthy/in shape this year, which is actually getting somewhere. But that's only because I joined Weight Watchers and am accountable for my own actions. Knowing I have weigh-ins every Saturday morning is a surprisingly effective deterrent against sticking my face in a chocolate cake, inhaling deeply, forgoing nutritionally bankrupt food for more healthy choices. Because it's a long haul, a lifetime process - not a "diet" - I feel better about it. It's flexible, with built-in forgiveness for human weakness, i.e., the occasional pure need for chocolate. All very specific, all very positive and it makes sense to me.
Yesterday, my hand was forced about my book issues. In the middle of bill paying DH sat me down for a mini-intervention, to give me the real numbers I've spent on books lately. And friends, it was colossal. Ginormous, even. It didn't have as many zeroes as the national debt but it wasn't pretty.This would be why I haven't kept track of it, because I didn't want to know. If you don't know you can delude yourself, right?
A lot of my spending directly proportional to how easy hitting that Amazon "Buy it Now" button is; though, putting credit where it's due (get it?), the actual blame falls solely on me, unless my right index finger has gone rogue. Wait, can we rule that out? Mayhaps further research is...
Oh, hell.
What I ultimately decided was to go cold turkey on book buying through the end of June, mostly to prove to myself this is something I am capable of doing. This is measurable. It has a start and stop time. And once I hit the first day of July I'll have decided what my real-life, fair and balanced book buying plan will be from here on out, with that built-in forgiveness for human weakness I mentioned before.
Do you think I'm a robot?! Oh, the humanity!
While I'm patiently waiting for July 1 to roll around I still have my ongoing project, my decision to inventory/winnow out the books I already have. I won't have time to finish but at least the pastime will be satisfying. And something tells me I won't lack for reading material, that something being multiple thousands of books shelved and lying all over the place, with more coming in the mail every day - review books, that is. And there is the library, that place I work.
I'll be okay. It's not exactly a cocaine addiction but no addiction is good for the character. If you feel you can't live without something I believe that idea should be challenged. Stopping it before it hits the level of hoarding is a good thing; I give myself a measure of credit for that.
It'll be interesting to see how I feel on July 1. Will it be the end of a nerve-wracking few months or a meh?
Hint: I'm pretty sure I know the answer to that.
