Dating Magazine

Kim, Kris and the Not So Uncommon Quickie Marriage

By Datecoachtoni @CoachToni

The news sent shock waves to all their fans and anyone who had even loosely followed their “fairytale” wedding. Kim and Kris were married in a lavish (reportedly 10million dollar) wedding on August 20th. 72 days later, Kim filed for divorce from Kris due to the not so blissful union they shared during that brief time. Since the filing, rumors have been circulating about the reasons for their split. These include issues with his work ethic, his partying without her, Kim having to provide him with an allowance while the lock out continued- and a long list of irreconcilable differences- which is what Kim stated as the reason in her divorce action.

Now if you are asking yourself “Why didn’t she know these things about him before they married,” the answer is probably that she did, but she overlooked or rationalized her feelings due to being caught up in the whole storybook love thing. If you find this hard to believe, think again- it’s more common than most folks realize.

As a psychotherapist and relationship coach, I end up working with many individuals who knew within a few short weeks or months after they married that it was a mistake. When I dig a little deeper in my work with them, they often cite many red flags, warning signs and concerns that they had but dismissed or rationalized as nothing more than cold feet. Rarely if ever has someone come to me as an unhappy newlywed and not been able to cite concerns they had had or moments when they wanted to call it all off. Often the reasons have to do with not letting their parents or others down, potential loss of money already spent on deposits and services, embarrassment, and/or a fear that they wouldn’t find anyone else if they let this person go.

I can’t think of a better reason for premarital counseling than the reasons cited above. Too bad more priests, ministers, rabbis and Justices of the Peace don’t see this as an important prerequisite for all couples before saying “I do.” Yes, a certain percentage would decide to call it off- and this is a painful thing to face. But how much harder it is to realize after the big event that you made one of the biggest mistakes of your life.

The wedding is only the first step- unlike in all those fairy tales we grew up with. Happily ever after happens for about half of married couples (with a little sickness, financial struggle, and hard times thrown in) - for the other half, it’s unhappily after and until you can muster up the energy and courage to say “No, I don’t.”

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