Readers - today is a repost. I'll be going off the blog through the weekend. I am so grateful that you come by and read, comment, encourage, and help me grow. Thank you. *****
"I'm so tired" I think as I'm walking to the subway. Rain is falling and my feet hurt. I'm dragging at six thirty in the morning. I want to cry in this world of cold and rain.
Just be faithful - It's not like I see the Heavens open and hear the voice of God reverberate across the skies and through my head. It's just a still, quiet, persistent thought.
Just be faithful.I'm just back from a refugee camp where 1500 people are displaced - men, women, and children. A place where you beg God to have mercy, where you weep for those who have lost everything. Where you wish you had millions of dollars and a heart that could love harder.
I want to do so much more.
I send a message to my friend miles away in Djibouti, in a place as dry and hot as my world is cold and rainy. "It feels so small" I say. She replies in words that capture a life of being faithful "Know what? It is small. And you are just one person. But a mustard seed is small. That's the way of the Kingdom. May we always delight in being part of small things."
Just be faithful.Those words again. They are so persistent. I must pay attention. Faithful - having or showing constant support or loyalty. Steadfast. Dedicated. Constant. Loyal. True. What does this mean right now? What does it mean in crowds and tiredness? I know well what it means in the quiet with my candle burning and my hot drink by my side. Oh I know faithful then and it is easy. But what is faithful in a refugee camp? What is faithful now - on a rainy morning?
Just be faithful.So I think about what being faithful to God means in this moment. In this moment it's as simple as not taking the handicapped seat. But I want it, oh how I want it. And it's there and it's empty and what if some young 20-year-old takes that seat? It's not for them! It's for the handicapped and I feel handicapped at the moment. Just be faithful. Don't take the seat. I sigh and move on down the squished train. Faithful - it means I won't push my way through, it means I'll give up self and make sure others are okay, it means I'll notice the person that needs help. That is all I am called to, nothing more - but nothing less.
Just be faithful.It means I'll give a nod and a smile when I don't feel like it, that I'll stop and communicate with the marginalized when I see them on the street, that I won't gossip about co-workers when they make me angry, that I won't get outraged about what doesn't matter, that I will communicate in spirit and in truth, that I will love hard and pray harder, that I will love God and love others, that I will read, speak, and write words that honor God, that echo truth. Just be faithful.
The words continue "Marilyn, I know you're tired. Just be faithful. With my strength be faithful." There is now a heavy rain falling and those of us on our way to work are leaving the subway. There is a puddle three inches deep on the platform right before the stairs, just deep enough to seep into shoes before going up to dark clouds and rain. I'm still tired but I walk with One who knows tired, with One who knows pain, with One who knows what it is to live out faithful in this beautiful, broken world.
Just be faithful. The words are lyrical now, they speak through the mist and rain, redemptive and life-giving.
