The latest season of the Bachelorette just wrapped up—and it was another (almost) tie. JoJo, who was herself in the same situation on the last season of The bachelor, was torn between two men that she had “fallen in love” with. Clearly she had strong feelings for both—but there was always a difference. Could you see it?
Yes, Jordon (the eventual winner) got her first impression rose and clearly she was attracted to him right from the start. She was also very into Robbie (the runner-up), and throughout the episodes, she had nothing but good things to say about how he made her feel and how much she trusted and like him.
However no two loves are ever equal, and there are different kinds of love. I think what JoJo experienced was the latter—two different kinds of love. Let me explain by beginning with a reference to a classic book titled, The Art of Loving, By Erich Fromm. Dr. Fromm’s book detailed the different kinds of love—a Mother’s love, a Father’s love, the love between friends, and romantic love. Each is powerful and creates a strong and enduring bond—but there are key differences between them.
It appeared all along that JoJo’s attraction to Jordon was to that of a lover. There was the physical attraction, the humor and bantering (intellectual attraction), and there was the ease of relating—an effortless way they had of making one another laugh and of enjoying even silly things together. They seemed to have all 3 pieces of relationship chemistry—and it appeared strong and unwavering from episode to episode.
What JoJo focused on when she described her feelings for Robby was how much she trusted him, how he was the first guy to say he loved her, how kind and caring he was, and of course, that she found him attractive.
In other words, Robby was the safe choice—and this was especially important to JoJo who frequently referenced her trust issues and her fear that the man she fell in love with would betray her trust. Jordon was the total package, but he frightened her because she wasn’t sure how he really felt and if she could trust him.
As she was making her final choice and found out that Jordon had not asked her parents for her hand in marriage, she clearly was troubled. Then on that last morning she seemed to have made the safe choice of Robby, even though she did not say this in so many words. Then Jordon called her parents to ask their permission and quickly penned a not to Jo Jo, letting her know this. The sudden change in her was obvious—and she referenced being confused and scared again of making the wrong choice.
Deep down she knew it was Jordon, but almost chose Robby. It was close and it’s hard to know if this was obvious to Robby and Jordon when the show was aired. It was to me. Robby kept asking her why and how about her choice of Jordon over him. He wanted to know what he had done wrong or what was missing. JoJo struggled to explain when the explanation is really very simple.
Robby if you are reading this—JoJo loved you, but she was “in love” with Jordon. Both bring about powerful feelings and a close bond—but they are two different and unequal loves.
