Dating Magazine

Is Monogamy Old School?

By Datecoachtoni @CoachToni

Most folks know that there are websites that cater to the married but looking people—those who want sex with no attachment or sex and companionship, but with the agreement it will not change their marital status. Now it seems that there are an increasing number of young, “progressive,” couples who are completely open about it with their partners. This is actually not new, think the “open marriage” movement that began in the early 70’s and developed into several different kinds of agreements between individuals who are married but want to have other relationships as well.

What might be different now is that the taboo against this kind of extra marital relationship seems to be lifting. Couples are increasingly seeking other options for their relationships and there is a website that is happy to help them to find these. “Open Minded” is a dating site for those who are in relationships already, but are seeking new and satisfying attachments. These attachments are not necessarily limited to one new person, but can include multiple people and couples as well. Swingers, polysexuals and the curious are all welcome. The belief of its founder Brandon Wade is that people are realizing that many married couples don’t stay together for life anymore and that this is a practical way to deal with the needs and issues that used to lead to cheating. His belief is that marriage is a transaction and was founded in order to provide a secure lifestyle for raising a family—this is now out of date apparently. Hummmm…

Yes we do have a 50% divorce rate, and cheating is alive and well, but is this the solution? Each couple and the individuals within it will have to decide this themselves. I will offer a word of caution, however. While this might seem to have no downside, there can be several. Primary among these is that people can’t really control how they feel, who they fall for, etc. In other words, feelings can and will develop as people form these extra-marital bonds. This new friend may seem to have the qualities that one’s spouse is lacking, the sex might be a lot better, the desire to spend more time with them might grow and grow—and then what?

I’m reminded of the two couples back in the 60’s who decided to try swinging. The guys were both professional baseball players and there was a friendship and bond already before they decided to “swap” partners for a while. Each had children and strong bonds to their lifestyles/families/communities. But guess what? One of the newly matched pairs fell in love. It all ended with them leaving their spouses/families for one another. They might have been happy, but their exes and the children involved were not. It’s an old tale, but it never changes. Someone can and often does get hurt—and there are a number of ways this can happen.

If you are feeling bored, restless, ready to try something new for fun—just remember that you might be risking a lot. Are you sure it’s worth that risk?

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