We don't live in the 1950s anymore, so there is no reason why ladies have to act like it. Many guys appreciate the lady making the first move. Plus, it's an instantaneous way to know if a guy is completely wrong for you. If a woman being confident and asking him out makes him upset, then he is obviously not boyfriend material.
Is It Okay to Ask a Guy Out?
Asking someone out is extremely stressful. You are afraid that you will be rejected or embarrassed. If you were friends with the person or you have to work with them, you are afraid that asking them out will make your life awkward. All of these things are one of the reasons why nice guys have problems asking a girl out. He doesn't want to annoy you or be rejected, so he holds off and stays your friend. There is an excellent chance that one of the nice guys you are a friend with would love to be more than a friend. He is just afraid of ruining the friendship, bothering you or being rejected.
This is good news for ladies because it means that many of the nice guys out there would love for a woman to make the first move. It takes the stress off of him to do something, and it shows right away that you are the assertive, confident lass that he is looking for.
Having the girl take the leading role reduces the pressure on the guy. It also means that you are more likely to date a better guy. Think about all of the times you have been hit on. Nice guys worry about rejection and annoying you. Jerks? Not so much. While there are definitely nice guys who hit on ladies, the jerk guys out there definitely make their presence known. If you only date guys who hit on you and ask you out, then your dating pool has a disproportionate number of jerks in it.
Unfortunately, you might not realize this until after you have already had a relationship with the guy. When you ask the guy that you like out, you tilt the odds of finding a nice guy in your favor. That quiet guy who respects you and was afraid of harassing you at work by saying anything? Ask him out and you probably have a winner. Plus, he might have never worked up the nerve to ask you out otherwise.
How to Do It
Chat him up a bit first and get a feel for a situation. If he is smiling, laughing and leaning toward you, his body language is a good sign that he might be interested.
Casual touching like on the elbow or pushing your hair out of your face are also signs that he might be interested.
Now, your next step is to ask for his number or to add him online. You can also just ask him out on a date. If he says yes, you're in. If he turns you down, don't think much about it.
Asking the guy out is a good filter for finding the right guy. If he has too much of an ego or some type of macho-self-esteem complex, you'll find out right away because he will turn you down. In a sense, you want at least a couple of guys to say no because it means that your filter is working.
If one guy turns you down, don't take it personally. It means that your filter for guys who want a confident, talented woman is working, and you just have to move on to the next guy.
Asking a guy out involves the same basic steps as a guy asking a girl out. Flirt with him a bit to see if he is actually interested. You have probably experienced a guy randomly walking up and asking for your number. It puts you on the spot and just feels odd. Don't do that to him. Give him time to like you and to think about what he wants to do next.
If the flirting is going well, then he will already know what he wants to say if you ask him out (or if he does it himself).
Will I See Needy, Desperate or Masculine?
There are dating advice sites (often run by men) who say that a woman may seem desperate, masculine or needy by asking a guy out. You know what? It doesn't matter. A guy who thinks a confident woman asking him out is needy or masculine lacks self-esteem, is a chauvinist or has some other issue that makes him un-date-able.
You don't have to worry about seeming needy or masculine because the only guys that would believe that are not worth your time. If they can't handle a woman being an equal in social situations, then they are obviously going to be a terrible guy to date.
There are male-oriented sites and dating "coaches" who say that it strips power from men and can make you seem desperate. The fact that a guy thinks he has to have "power" by asking you out is a red, flashing light that says run the other way. There is nothing wrong with a guy asking you out and making a move, but there is certainly something wrong when a guy thinks that that is the only way. By asking a guy out, you immediately find out if some power-trip or ego issue is going on in his mind.
You'll either get a "yes" and find the guy of your dreams or a rejection that helps you avoid your worst nightmare. Either way, asking guys out is a good choice.
