Irish Jokes

An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went
to see the Bishop who said “You must answer
three questions on the Bible”
“First – Who was born in a stable?”
“Red Rum” he replied
“Second – What do you think of Damascus?”
“It kills 99% of all germs” he replied.
“Third – What happened when the disciples went to
Mount Olive?”
“That’s easy” he said “Popeye kicked the shit out of them!!****************************************************The Irish Bic Lighter
Mick and Paddy were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Mick pulled out a cigar. Finding he had No matches, he asked Paddy for a light.
‘Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter,’ Paddy replied and then reaching into his tackle
box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
‘My God, man!’ exclaimed Mick, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. ‘Where’d yew git dat monster?’
‘Well,’ replied Paddy, ‘I got it from my Genie.’
‘You haff a fackin Genie?’ Mick asked.
‘Ya, sure. It’s right here in my tackle box,’ says Paddy.
‘Could I see him?’
Paddy opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the Genie, Mick says, ‘Hey dere! I’m a good pal of your master.
Will you grant me one wish?’
‘Yes, I will,’ says the Genie.
So Mick asks the Genie for a million bucks. The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Mick sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the Irish sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying directly overhead.
Over the roar of the one million ducks Mick yells at Paddy, ‘What the hell? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!’
Paddy answers, ‘Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?’