Everybody please put your hands together in party-clap fashion for today’s guest poster, Rachelle from A Rich Full Life In Spite Of It, as she dances her way down the Soul Train line and takes her place in front of the podium and hot-mic. *Feedback* Be sure to check her site out HERE, where Rachelle gives her humorous take on parenting, women stuff, books, and life. And check out her frizzy hair too.
Take it away, Rachelle. *Feedback*
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Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, we’ve all experienced those painfully awkward moments when you say something with the best of intentions, but are immediately overwhelmed with regret after the foot enters the mouth. Statistically, these moments probably occur less often for introverts than for extroverts, simply because introverts speak less. But, when they do happen, they tend to be more horrifying for the introvert for the same reason.
These awkward and ill-timed outbursts are what I call introblurting.
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Definition:
in.tro.blurt [v. in-truh-blurt]
A combination of the words, introvert and blurt.
Uncontrollable verbal diarrhea that is intensified by social situations where one is forced to engage in conversation with strangers, acquaintances, or medical professionals, and oftentimes, while under the influence of alcohol.
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Despite the hypothetical statistical advantage that introverts might have, I’ve managed to compile quite a few embarrassing introblurting stories. I would advise anyone who leans toward socially awkward to use extreme caution when venturing into any of the following scenarios listed below.
Places Where Introblurting is Likely to Occur:
1.) A Job Interview
There aren’t many scenarios that cause more anxiety than job interviews, and no amount of preparation makes that banal question portion of the meet and greet any easier. We’re all prepping from the same Google, so the bullshit canned answers usually come across as such. However, no matter how flat your carefully prepared answer may fall, experience dictates that introverts should never give unrehearsed answers to any questions asked of them.
After one particularly brutal interview, before I stood up to offer my final handshake, the interviewer closed by asking “Do you have any questions for me?” He seemed like he had a sense of humor, so I replied, “Yes, is there anything I could say to you right now that would convince you to give me a second interview? Or, have you had enough awkward for one day?”
I did not get a call back.
2.) A Holiday Work Party
Everyone knows it’s a bad idea to get drunk at your significant other’s Christmas party. However, common sense didn’t stop me from over-indulging when I attended my husband’s weekend long, holiday party booze-fest for the first time.
The company my husband works for is a small, entirely male engineering firm, and the annual Christmas party weekend begins with 18 holes for the guys only. Wives and girlfriends show up for the festivities later in the evening. It was a well-known fact that one of the partners did not believe women had any place on the golf course, and somewhere toward the end of the first night of power-drinking, I found myself standing at a bonfire next to some guy taking shots of tequila. Sober, I wouldn’t have given two shits about the man’s golfing gender role ideologies. However, my grandmother taught me how to play golf as a kid, and as the night wore on, it started to rub me the wrong way.
After enough tequila, I decided to ask him why he hated women, didn’t employ any, and was scared to golf with us. Mercifully, someone intervened and changed the subject before I drunk slurred about my grandma being able to out-drive him, or that he should probably shoot from the ladies tee the next day, but not soon enough to avoid implying that the man who signed my brand new boyfriend’s paychecks was a chauvinistic ass.
Luckily, the boss had a good sense of humor. He still laughs at me about this ill-advised, drunken introblurt. I still write on the internet about it…
3.) The Doctor’s Office
I say some of the weirdest things in front of medical professionals. There’s something about sitting in a paper gown in front of someone with way more education than me that makes me feel vulnerable and exposed.
At a recent “lady doctor” appointment, I was advised to get a baseline mammogram before Obamacare went into effect. I’m 35, so I was a little surprised by the early recommendation. That’s the only explanation I can come up with for why I said, “Ok, I’ll try to get one scheduled, but do you think they’ll be able get enough boob to squish in that machine?”
*Waves hands over chest*
*Slaps forehead with palm*
4.) Blog Comment Blurting
We’ve probably all left a comment or two out in the blogosphere that we wish we could edit, or better yet, delete entirely. In two years of blogging, I’ve amassed more than I can count. It’s too easy to pop off from behind a computer screen with comments that are long-winded or insulting – comments that hit a hot-button that you weren’t aware of, or comments that just generally make someone feel uncomfortable.
Some of the worst comment introblurts I have on my blogging resume include, but are not limited to:
- “Oh yeah, I’m a total “like” whore…not to be confused with whore-like.”
- “Oh, I just meant that was an interesting post. I’m not a swinger or anything. I swear I’m not a swinger. Seriously, I’m not. No swinging here.”
- “I dream in Twitter avis all the time, yours too.”
- “Screw you chevron.” (In a guest post for a friend who has chevron in her blog header…)
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For the record, the next time you find yourself socializing in person or online, I’ve always found it helpful to keep this little saying in mind:
“It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak out and remove all doubt.”
I’ve pretty much never regretted following that little nugget of life advice…
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