If You Look at It Sideways, It’s a Diet

I’m on a new diet.
It’s called “There’s leftover food in the break room!”
All the kids are doing it.
Left wallet-battered and now the proud owner of plumbing that works and shiny fixtures extolling my dedication to beauty and cleanliness, I’ve turned a cynical eye toward my expenses.
In other words, I am broke until payday.
And this is how I came to eat a sandwich I wouldn’t necessarily have chosen had I paid for it, a bag of gratis chips, and two freakishly large cookies on Tuesday.
How could the execs not have wanted these cookies?Huddled at my desk, cheeks bulging, eyes furtively glancing right, left, right, left, I give myself a pat on the back.
Saved a couple bucks there.
Fast-forward to Tuesday night, when I discover both tuna and Tuna Helper in my pantry.Heaven help us, who bought this, and why do they hate me?What could I have possibly done...
But that’s the price you pay when you want a flushing toilet and dripless spigots.
It’s at this point I’d like to say that I have been pleasantly surprised, that Tuna Helper is rather tasty.
But that would be lying.It’s dreadful.
Luckily, there are only two more big bowls of it to eat before I can move on to fried potatoes.
Don’t get me wrong.I’m not complaining, not really.After all, I paid cash for them thar plumbin’s.
And with Tuna Helper as leftovers, I won’t be tempted to raid the fridge later this evening.
See?
Diet.