If I Should Die Before I Wake

When I was a little girl I prayed the same way every little girl does, with innocence and unwavering faith.  Now, those long lost prayers haunt me.  As a young girl, you never think about what would happen if you actually died.  Today, it is one of my most prevalent thoughts.  Not death itself, but what legacy I am leaving behind.
When you go through a divorce, you suddenly wonder what your life really amounts to.  I believe that family comes before all other things.  Whether it be blood or chosen, family always comes first.  My husband had become my only family.  I pushed friends and biological family away as I frantically sought a way to save my marriage.  Now I have to work to rebuild my family.
Life is about balance.  I will never again allow my relationship to take over my life.  Marriage only works if two people are in the marriage, and I was the only one in my marriage.  This divorce has come at the worst possible time in my life.  If he had done this even a month sooner, my life would be completely different.  I would still live in LA pursuing acting.  In other words, I would have a purpose.
Not having a purpose in life is difficult.  Only this past week have I come to see the beauty of my situation.  If I had remained in LA, I would have swept my feelings under the rug and kept working as usual.  Being home has allowed me to confront my emotions and decide my new course in life.
I am now working on two books, one of my own and one with my best friend, and pursuing other options as a primary source of income.  I am reconnecting with friends and family, and taking time to smell the roses.  I've always lived life full steam ahead, but it's important to remember that quality time with my loved ones is more important than any career goal.
I may not have much of a legacy to leave on this earth, but I believe I have presented myself in the best light possible.  In the end, it won't matter how much money I made, or how much stuff I acquired, but how many people I helped and how much love I gave.  Life is much more simple than people make it out to be.  Love one another, and let go of judgment.  Life is too short to try to be God.
If I should die before I wake, I know the Lord my soul will take.