I’m in love with adventure: I always have been and I always will be. And water is a big part of that adventure and of my life; this element has fascinated me ever since I was a little girl. It was hard at first, but somehow my wish overcame fear and I learnt how to swim. On my own, when I was 15. From then on, I couldn’t get enough of water: I sometimes joke that I could live my life in water if only I had food within easy reach, a water mattress, and a waterproof laptop.
Rafting on Una in June 2011
Things got more intense in 2009, in late August, as I also fell in love with rafting. It was one of the most beautiful days of my life and I will always think of it fondly. Canoeing and scuba diving followed and it seemed that this picture-perfect watersport idea was nearly complete. One last challenge was lacking, though: kayaking.
My boyfriend had been very eager to try it for ages and I just couldn’t fight my fears – and of course – the temptations any longer, so we enrolled in a course to be held on Buzău and Bâsca Rivers in eastern Romania in late May.
Enthusiasm was starting to plummet as my first time of ever riding a kayak got closer and closer. When we arrived at our ‘base camp’ in Nehoiu and met our fellow kayakers and our trainer, I realized that I was the only woman in the crowd. What I had first thought of as fun was starting to become scary. Our first experience was going to be paddling on Siriu Storage Pond and learning the basic techniques. And the very first thing we were asked to do was getting into the water without a paddle, flipping our boat on our own and trying to escape from it – what an unconventional trainer we had! One of my biggest fears was trying to actually escape from my kayak. And I got even more frightened because my spray deck was brand new and very difficult to handle. I managed to get out, as my survival instinct kicked in. I didn’t enjoy it. I believe that I got off to a bad start anyway. I am a very independent person and I love my freedom, by taking it to extremes at times – I seem to reject any attempt to settle me down or to block my motions and I perceived from the very beginning that spray deck as sheer entrapment. Despite that and the pretty strong wind, I managed to complete the first day and I felt relieved. In a way.
I knew deep down that whitewater was going to be a whole different story and I knew that it was going to be pretty hard to paddle and control the boat when dealing with tricky currents if it didn’t feel easy on still water. I couldn’t sleep that night. I was trying to deal with so many feelings. I wanted to succeed and to learn to kayak, but I was scared to my core. I wanted to show the guys that I was more than a pretty face and that women are able to whitewater kayak, too. And then, I had a small ‘baggage’ of thoughts and questions carried along from home, which I was trying desperately to get rid of. I remember waking my boyfriend up in the middle of the night – ‘I’m so afraid’, I told him. He didn’t think that I was actually meaning it and went back to sleep.
Morning came and I was feeling really uncomfortable about it all. I was praying for something to lengthen the time spent outside the water. My brain reacted: why are you doing this? You’re IN LOVE WITH WATER. What’s different? Fear is. Fear makes it different. But when you love something with all your heart, put passion into it, and try living your dreams, you go on. So, I did.
My first minutes in a kayak
I also felt relieved that evening when the water level was too low for us to have another go. And I started to search for solutions. I was thinking seriously not to give up and to try my luck for the second time on the pond, to learn how to really control the boat, because I felt lonely on the water and half a stroke away from panic. I slept well that night. However, in the morning, questions got hold of me. And – like many times in my life – I made a decision on the spot: to abandon the course. I left breakfast crying. I didn’t perceive it as a failure, because going through the scariest day in my life had helped me become stronger and realize how brave I actually was and how insignificant are those small obstacles that we all encounter on a daily basis. I also had a talk with my trainer, because I didn’t want him to feel responsible for my giving up. He is exquisite as a teacher and a wonderful person. But he couldn’t do his job properly as long as I wasn’t ready and into it.
Several resolutions came along. I got rid of the ‘baggage’ carried along from home, I’ve decided to stick to the sports and adventures that I love, to continue practicing rafting and improving my skills, and I’ve realized that being happy and really living your life means not forcing yourself to do anything you’re not completely into! And all of these – together with the important notions on the features of water that I’ll be using later on in my adventures – really made this kayak trip and the journey count! And most importantly, I gained new friends. Six of them. I already miss them.
As I started to write down my adventure story, my good mood returned and I enjoyed two amazing days trekking and horseback riding. The sparkle in my eyes is back and I have an even greater respect for the great kayakers of the world. Indeed, this sport is not fit for women, but there are a few who make it. It takes strength, stamina, and determination. And it’s probably like one of the guys told me – ‘You’ll resume practicing it in the end, you’ll see’.
