“In any relationship, you’re going to get only about 80% of what you want.” ~Why Did I Get Married? movie
When it comes to hearing “I love him but…” statements, they usually fall into 3 categories: physical, behavioral, values. As you know, physical is all about appearance, behavioral is how someone acts in public or private, and values are the reasons why people do what they do.
What I’ve found is that a lot of times when women are deciding whether or not a man is good enough for them, they’re thinking about physical and behavioral qualities. More importantly, they’re thinking about what they feel they’re missing out on in those departments.
Physical Traits
- Six pack abs
- Nice tan
- Straight teeth
- Designer Labeled Clothing
- Luxury Car
- Big House
- Highly Respected Profession
Behavioral
- Speaks well
- Doesn’t drink
- Goes to church
- Keeps his word
- Motivated to succeed
- Doesn’t smoke
- Opens doors and pulls out chairs for you
Most of the time when a woman is asked to describe her perfect man, you’ll get physical or behavioral traits. (I’ve certainly had my own physical trait list in the past, so don’t think I’m judging.) Using physical or behavioral qualities exclusively to determine whether you should stay or go, is somewhat short-sighted.
Let me explain.
A man with a luxury car or nice abs is hella nice, right? But if he has a luxury car and his apartment has no furniture other than the air mattress he took from his parents’ home when he moved out 5 years ago, it ain’t quite as sexy is it? I mean…how much time do you really plan on being in his luxury car anyway?
Furthermore, if he has nice abs, did he get it as a result of steroids or some other supplement? Is it difficult to cook for him because he’s so meticulous about what goes in his belly? Not so sexy anymore, eh? Besides, I mean how often do you plan on simply staring at his abs anyway?
My point? (Skimmers this is the part you really need to read!)
When you find yourself at a crossroads of “I love him but…” besides asking the questions from part 1, you also need to ask yourself if you’re getting 80% of what you value in people and relationships.
In other words…
Does he value helping others who are less fortunate? Does he value his family? Does he value spirituality? Does he value his health? Does he value women in general? Does he value money? Time? Work? Commitments? Honesty? Differing opinions?
When you decide to commit to someone, you’re saying to the world that you agree with MOST of that person’s values. Values matter more than whether he drives a fancy car or not. Sure, you may prefer, that he have one, but if he’s busy working 20 hour days to keep it, is it worth having?
Before you make a decision that you may regret, take some time to reflect. Start looking at what he values in life. Usually what he values shows up in his behavior. More importantly, does he value you? In what ways has he shown that?
Yes we all want a sizzling hot man that we can show off to our friends and yes we all want a man that’s earning a gazillion dollars. However, if he’s cute to you, has values that matter to you, and treats you like the queen you are, perhaps you should stop looking around the corner for something better because perfect simply doesn’t exist.
As long as he’s making you happy, you can go ahead and take that “I love him but…” statement and throw it in the trash!
What’re your thoughts?
P.S. If you are being mistreated in any way, don’t even think of staying. Leave.
P.P.S. Do you know what kind of woman you are once in a relationship? I’ve been talking about it here.
