“I can’t date him because he doesn’t have a six pack.”
“I can’t continue to be with him because he doesn’t go to church every Sunday & Wednesday.”
“I can’t be with him because he doesn’t have a college degree.”
“I can’t marry him because he’s 2 inches shorter than me.”
We all have them. Reasons why this guy isn’t good enough or “on your level” like you’d prefer. And yet, there’s something about him that is so endearing.
Maybe it’s that he makes you laugh or he listens to you and offers sound advice. Maybe he simply remembers to unload the dishwasher and puts his dirty clothes in the hamper. Maybe he pays the bills on time and makes you a priority in his life.
Whatever it is, you like him (or even love him). But—there’s always a but—you think you can do better. What’s a girl to do? Should you lower your standards and stay with him? Should you walk away and find someone that has those six-pack abs?
Before doing anything, let’s get clear on some things.
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How do you feel when you’re around him?
Do you constantly argue? Does he belittle you? Do you smile and laugh when you’re with him? Can you be yourself (even go without make-up) around him? Can you agree to disagree with him?
How you feel when you’re with him is a HUGE indicator of whether you should leave or stay put. So…what’s the verdict on that?
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Do you have a similar mind-set?
Do you believe in the same things? Does he make fun of your beliefs? Are there some topics that are “off limits” because one or both of you gets irritated?
Notice that in order to answer these questions you need to have been around your guy a few months (not weeks). I believe that instinctively, you should know whether or not you want to move things forward by date three. After the third date, keep asking yourself every other date or so “do I like how he views the world?” or “is his point of view on certain things, complementary to my own?”
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If the sex wasn’t good (or GREAT), would you still want to be with him?
This is a biggie. Since most people don’t listen to the advice of no sex for the first 3 months, try to make it to at least the 4th date. Sleeping with him too soon clouds your judgment. When you’re sane, you understand that paying for a grown man’s rent is not ok. But…if he’s sexing you right, you may start to think that you were too uptight and that paying for his rent every now and again is perfectly ok.
If you’re in that stage of “I’m not sure about him,” definitely ask yourself this question to clear up your confusion.
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Am I worried that he’s not good enough for me OR am I worried about how other people will look at us?
I suggest asking yourself this question anytime you doubt your relationship. What I’ve found with a lot of women who email me or call me for coaching, is that nine times out of ten, they’re REALLY happy with the guy they’ve chosen. But, their big fear is that friends or family members will make fun of him because he’s short or he talks loud or he’s not as cute as the last guy you showed off or any number of other reasons.
At the end of the day, YOU have to be happy with your choice. To hell with everyone else. If your love ones care about you, they’ll like your guy simply because you like him. Everything else is crap.
I’d like to know, what are some of your fears or questions you had about your guy before you decided to stay put and enjoy him? Leave your answers in the comments below.
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