Trigger Warning: This is satire. I do have a soul and compassion and empathy. But I will fight you if you start hate in the comments.
Since I can’t get away from this topic no matter where I go, I thought I’d start a conversation on the beer Coronavirus. (Corona Beer is so mad right now) It’s all on the news, online, social media and in any conversation with anyone. You can’t get away from it.
I have a question. How does one little bat, bite an animal, that animal went to a Chinese market and someone bought it, then ate it and breathed on other people and now we are all going to die from a Zombie Apocalypse? Really? This has the makings of a really bad Netflix Original horror movie with a very cheesy ending. Enter all the conspiracy theories here.
Oh. You think I’m horrible for making fun of something so serious? Have you met me? I run a flipping humor blog! Yes, I feel really bad for those suffering or dying from this virus. But the news stations and social media are making it hard for me to stay serious. Wash your hands and don’t touch your face. Really? That’s all you got? And to think we are having to repeat this because at least half the world can’t do this. Because, stupidity.
This week I went to the store to get groceries. Something we do often so we don’t starve. And the shelves were empty of toilet paper, paper towels and hand sanitizer. But what was fully stocked? Old fashion soap bars! I had to laugh.
But if we are going to be quarantined, I would stock up on the following:
- Tequila but not for washing my hands with or trying to kill the virus with.
- Toilet paper. Because I don’t want to get stuck with the crappy TP that might get left behind.
- I can live off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
- Margarita mix.
- Bacon.
- Chocolate.
That’s all we need for a few months. I feel like as much as I watch The Walking Dead and other shows like it, I can survive. And staying home for a few weeks, with my margaritas and Netflix and unlimited naptime, I can’t see it as being a bad thing. I hear that grocery stores and restaurants will deliver stuff to your porch. I mean that is pretty awesome.
I do feel bad for families with really young children. They will drive nuts. And the pets. No walks and dog parks for awhile. Just don’t resort to playing Monopoly. That game will break up any family. Maybe stick to scrabble. Oh, you might want to make sure you add the Disney+ to your Firestick or whatever you stream with. It’s all about keeping sane!
We can do this America! But please wash your hands and don’t touch your face. Don’t travel for awhile. Trust the CDC to figure this out. Stay positive and stop watching hype media and adding to the panic. Enjoy the mini vacation. But if you actually get the virus. Do what the doctors say and get well.
Lastly, don’t blame Corona Beer. In fact, I need to add that to my ‘stock up’ on list.
Peace Love and Margaritas!
