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After I retired my wife was bugging me to go shopping with her everyday because she had nothing to do all day, she just looked all day at hilarious funny pics on different websites. And I had to go with her EVERY DAY at the mall. The bad part is that I loathe running through shops and kill time when I could be doing something else, also my wife is a champion at checking out every store. All of these have happened until yesterday when my wife received this funny mail from the shopping mall:
“Dear Mrs. Johnson,
For the past six months your husband has been creating problems in our store. He had an inadequate behavior so we’re no longer able to allow you in our stores. The motives for our decision (video camera proof can be show on request) are the following:
15th June: He removed alarms from 20 of our products and slipped them on our customers’ pockets.
2nd July: He has set all the radio alarms from our Electronics Department to start at a difference of 5 minutes one from another
7th July: he spilt 2 tubes of ketchup from a corner of our store to the ladies room
19th July: He talked to one of our employees and told him in a serious voice: You have a CODE 4 in the gardening section. For this reason our employee left his post and was sanctioned by his direct manager, which led to a strike, therefore our company had to suffer.
4th August: he filled our postal and our complaint box with M&M chocolate
14th August: he moved the “Attention! Slippery Surface” sign to an area covered by carpet.
15th August: he raised a tent in the camping area and told 20 kids that they’re allowed to camp if each one of them brings a blanket and a pillow in 2 minutes. Our bedding section was cleaned out.
23rd August: He set all the home-cinema systems to play communist marches and he organized a parade through our store.
4th September: he used one of our surveillance cameras as a mirror to remove black spots and to clean his nose.
10th September: while trying out some of our guns from the Hunting and Fishing Department he asked one of our employees where he can find antidepressant drugs in the store.
3rd October: he was walking carefully through the store humming the Mission Impossible theme.
15th October: He hid through the hangers in our shirt section and when a client was approaching he started yelling: “Me! Me! Pick Me!!!”
25th October: when an announcement was made on our PA he squatted in a fetal position and started yelling “Oooooooohhh Noooooo! Not the voices!”
And the last, but not the least important:
31st October: he went in a dressing room, closed the door, and after approximately 10 minutes he started shouting in a loud voice: “Hey. You forgot to resupply the stall with toilet paper”. One of our employees passed out.”
- Vlad
