When I was 7 I had some new friends over for a playdate. We were in the garage playing school. I was in my favorite role as the teacher. I loved teaching about grammar and spelling–two of my favorite subjects. After my friends left, a family member said to me, ” You should try not to be so bossy or you won’t have any friends.” She didn’t say this to me to be mean, she really wanted me to have friends and be happy, but she heard me bossing people around and was fearful I would push them away.
Having just moved to San Francisco and not knowing a single soul, these new friends were really important to me. I didn’t want to be outcasted. I had already run into some bullies and finally I had some girls who were excited to hang out with me! So I took that part of me, that bossy, controlling girl that appeared that day and I blocked her. It wasn’t a conscious blocking, but she was done. I wanted no part of her.
The problem with this situation is that this bossy girl was a very unskillful, inexperienced and underdeveloped leader waiting to emerge and by me blocking her that day, she never had a chance to Become.
I spent the bigger part of my life with a lump in my throat and quieting my voice, fearful that my words would reject those around me. I found myself drawn to, jealous of and at the same time judgmental toward other girls who didn’t hold back speaking out.
Internally, I was in an unconscious war. I felt like there was something pulling at me, something bigger for me to do, but I didn’t know what it was. I just knew that it was uncomfortable and so I found ways to muffle it. I turned to drugs and alcohol. I focused my life on my intimate relationships instead of myself. And they would work for a time, but that nagging, pulling feeling was always there.
And then I found yoga and meditation.
Yoga and meditation got me clear and strong, so that I had the courage to do the deep dive into what it was I wanted for my life. Instead of running from the internal conversation, I learned to open my ears to it. But then what? I didn’t know what to do with all these messages (e.g. feelings) that were coming up. I had done therapy and that served me to a point, but I was tired of just talking. I needed something more tangible. So I searched and researched and this is when I uncovered this tool for understanding myself that changed the course of my life. It gave me a breadcrumb trail back to myself, back to that bossy little girl and it helped me foster her, grow her and not be so afraid of her.
Now I spend every day standing in front of people, teaching them, helping them and showing myself to them. And I spend every night so freaking grateful and inspired that I have the blessed opportunity to spend my days doing what I was called to do. Now, when I see other women living in that space, instead of jealousy or judgment, I feel connected to and empowered by them!
This is not just about career. I use this tool in every aspect of my life. There are 100’s of parts of us that hold us back from intimacy, self-worth, career and inner peace. I can’t imagine where I would be without this tool in my life and I want this for you too. Which is why I am offering this class, Joy & Ease in Relationships with Self and Others. It starts next week. There are two sessions: March 31ts and April 14th. Attendance is required that both sessions, otherwise it just won’t make sense.
If you would like to read more about the class or other people’s experience of past versions of it, you can check out their comments here.
Pre-registration is required. To register for this class simply respond to this e-mail and let me know you would like to attend.
If you would prefer to chat with me more about it before signing up, please drop me a line, I am happy to call you.
When: March 31 & April 14, 2018, 1-4 p.m.
(Attendance at both sessions is required as one builds on the other.)
Where: Delta Mind Body Center
How: $100 total for both sessions.
